Under a veil

No dreams, no prophets,
just a veil to hide behind,
until the ceremony is done....
no angels, or vibrant skies
release is waiting for the brave
for all the rest will find none

04271996

Seeing God's country

The kitties woke me up early after staying up late last night, but I let my friend sleep in, even though she asked me to wake her when I got up. It's too early for most people. She got up at eight thinking she had slept until noon, as it is so bright here in the mornings and I had to laugh. For one thing, there is no smog or too close houses to keep the light out and I have an abundance of windows to let it in.

It was time for coffee, breakfast rolls, and a relaxing morning before we again hit the road so she can see more of the beauty where I am blessed to live. She said she doesn't want to leave and is checking out the houses with for-sale signs. I doubt that she makes the move though as she is very dependent on friends where she lives and not as adventuresome as she once was. Fear and believing that you are handicapped can do that to a person.

I saw the possibility of many boulders I can return to later to gather and new ideas for terracing the hill. She wanted to return to the forest cul-de-sac of yesterday to again see the towering giant sequoias and the snow, to just walk around and pretend she is in her beloved Yosemite. Now, she realizes she doesn't have to drive that far to find the serenity of nature.

There are two houses, in particular, she took a liking to. One may be going up for sale but has not, as yet, been listed, although I have heard the person who owns it is moving in the near future and it is a sweet house with three bedrooms and a large deck out back. It sits on a corner lot with its own backyard forest.

I took my friend back to our little village center where she could visit the antique store and hardware stores, which are now open. I found a lovely Angel to add to my collection and my friend found several things she liked but in the habit of being dependent on credit cards for purchases, she found they are not accepted here. She did not bring cash or her checkbook so went home empty-handed of purchases but in the possession of the gifts I had for. She especially liked the sitting Angel I bought to sit on her fireplace mantel. I told her to come back soon and that she is always welcome as she departed for home. I am blessed to have such a dear friend.

04131990

About the garden

The little cottontail rabbit is here this morning. I am sure he is the one who has been nibbling the tops off my tulips in the flower bed as well as some of the blossoms that have come up in the wooden barrel. First, he hides under the car, then comes out at the edge of the drive nibbling and watching me as I stand on the upper deck. First, the animals are afraid and skittish, then they become curious, bolder, then some of them become quite demanding. The neighbors say they have never seen so many animals and birds in one yard. I think it is because I respect them and realize it was their territory long before people came along. I provide them with food and give them their space. Even the little Chipmunks run across open space instead of hiding. The squirrels run freely across the deck and the big Blue Jay asks for peanuts. I speak to them and they are used to the sound of my voice now and chatter back.

The sky is a brilliant blue with small bands of fluffy white clouds starting here and there like exclamation points. The wind is cold and brisk causing the Angel windmill to spin round and round against the hill.

The boulder line is growing and there are four more I brought home waiting to be added. The marigolds like mini suns shining from below in shades of orange, yellows, and rusts, and the bright pink carnations give me a great sense of accomplishment although there is a lot of hill still to conquer. It all takes time and instead of being impatient I'm grateful as bit by bit becomes transformed with color.

Today, I finish packing the Easter box for my daughter and granddaughter: the Pooh bear, Pooh ball, and the musical duck block holder. I also put in the charcoal, incense, and decide to send my daughter the new hearings I bought as an Easter gift. I tucked in a crafter's apron with pockets and will get the box in the mail tomorrow.

I am enjoying the sunny skies and the ever-changing clouds that throw shadows on the hills. I give all the flowers a good soaking as well as fruit trees as best I can from the bottom of the hill and fill up the very large saucer I am using as a birdbath. I see the squirrel go there to watch himself and get a drink, everything is put to good use.

04061991

Flowers and family

The air is crisp today, so it is on with the sweatshirt, instead of the short sleeve T-shirt of late. Misty clouds hang low over the mountains and a steady breeze blows the flower windmill I bought myself yesterday, that has a little garden angel in the middle and blue petals, around and around and as it spins I work in my garden planting more marigolds. Their bright golden, yellow, and mixed rust colors give spots of sunshine along the border of rocks I am creating on the hill. It is if they say," here I am." I also plant two different kinds of mint with the hope they will spread out beneath the roses. In another area I plant Golden Sage with its multicolored leaves of green and yellow and along the border two Hardy Sage with their blooms of lavender.

When I water some of the boulders on the hill dislodge and I have to reset them, which is a heavy and muddy task. Luckily they did not completely crush the marigolds beneath them but did decapitate a Golden flower. I still have two new roses to plant but I will save them for another day. One already has a bud that will soon be ready to open. I do need to start the row of boulders along the drive but first I need to get some concrete to set them in place then I can fill it in with flat rocks and an occasional flowerpot or small bust to add height and color.

The squirrels are so active today, running all over the decks and yard as if they missed my company yesterday and are trying to get my attention today. Their antics certainly make me laugh and amuse the neighbors as well.

I take time for my emails and to write my newly discovered cousin in France. She and her husband are coming to the states next month and we may have the opportunity to meet them, although my son is too shy to ask. She has sent the date, hotel, flight and phone number, which I sense is a desire, on her part, and opportunity for all of us. I'm quite excited over the prospect.

When I prayed to God for greater closeness with family He answered with an abundance I had not anticipated. I now have cousins I am in contact with in the states, Canada, France and Chile. He has brought me whole new world of family and I am grateful.

06011990

Off to Ventura

It's off to Ventura today: to visit friends, the beach, the Angel store, and browse wherever else the whim carries me and to lunch on the pier. I've been looking forward to it all week and get an early start.

I have brought along my pictures of God's country at my friend's request and she loves the many changes of weather I have captured on film: the snow-covered hills, the cabins, and wildlife. She laughed at the series of Pesky, the squirrel, stealing the cotton out of my chair cushion on my back deck. Of course, she loved the tall pine trees and has tw on her back deck that are so big and tall, still in containers, she doesn't know how they will be moved out of there and she would love to have somewhere to plant them, but wants it to be her own place, which is impossible where she lives as her condo only has decks for yards.

My main purpose of going to Ventura was to file my income taxes but I did not make enough for that to be possible and my CPA refused to charge me for her time so I gave her a gift of greeting cards to use.

It is an overcast and chilly day. Still, there were surfers out in the water, one windsurfer that fascinated the children at the next table, plus a few speedboats and young people in shorts running up and down the wharf. This weekend fishermen were out doing their best to bring in a catch or two while I just sat absorbed my surroundings. As well as enjoyed wonderful meal and the smell of the sea air.

It's big treat to have lunch on the pier at one of my favorite seafood restaurants. The extra sourdough bread comes fresh and warm, they have coleslaw unique and unequaled, and the fresh cod has me salivating. The atmosphere, of course, looking ride out over the water draws me to a window seat when it is too chilly to sit outside. I feel totally relaxed and rejuvenated as I always do watching the waves play against the shore.

I couldn't resist going to visit the Angel store nearby. I found a statue of the Arch-Angel Uriel that is unusual; I've never seen one before so, of course, I broke down and bought it as well as a Boyd's bunny for my granddaughter. At that Gifts from Earth shop I found some charcoal incense and a beautiful pair of earrings for my daughter. She buys everything the baby needs and nothing for herself. She needs an Easter gift from the heart as well as things for the baby. I know she will be surprised.

04051992

Getting Lost

If you have a sacred place and use it, take advantage of it, something will happen. You'll connect with who you are, and who you might be. I've noticed other people's sacred space and I admire them for it. I've had dreams of a sacred space for myself, telling me I have a need for that quiet sacred spot. A place to celebrate, concentrate and consecrate my inner self. And so, I gather meaningful objects that evoke love and gratitude. Building a meditation table, covered with a lace cloth, angel candles, stones, and incense. Flowers too, along with my rosary, and here I lose myself in my being, one, part of all that is.

05201996

My Angel

Open my heart once more
illuminate the world with love
be the source of my strength
my angel there to guide me

03231995

Blessings and Home Work

Today I blessed my home with Holy Water, Prayers, and a smudge stick, inside and out, as well as in the mudroom. Having dead birds on the decks and another rat in the wood bin bothers me with its negative energy. I invited God and the Angels to dwell here in peace with me.

I also worked on my rock trellising. I found several boulders on the vacant lot next door but I was unable to dislodge them or lift them. I did gather some smaller ones and added them to the line I have started. A little cement would probably not hurt either. I brought a good-sized boulder up from the back yard to add to the rock wall I am creating. If I added just one a day, in a month I would have put up 30 boulders which could make quite a difference, so that will be my goal.

I plan to continue to add more roses and maybe more carnations as well and to start the walkway up the hill. I need to build a frame of 2X4s for the walkway and I will need a layer of small rocks as a topping so the steps will not be slippery. In the meantime, I need to investigate more about how to do this. I try to picture it in my mind, I am good at visualization from my years of artwork but know-how helps.

I get my love of gardening from my father, watching him shape and prune, and the plants thriving in an abundance of blooms with his guidance and care. I still have to find which are the best plants to grow up here, so far I know roses survive, citrus and avocado trees don't. I know that blueberries should because they grow back east and in Canada and that Wisteria and Lilacs do every well. I don't know where I put my Tulip bulbs and I need to locate and plant them soon or wait until fall.

I want to make a level spot for the barrel on the hill, right now it is taking up a good deal of space on my lower deck. I want to removed the bottom legs from the coat rack and plant it on the hill as well so I can hang plants and bird feeders from it. It would make an interesting conversation piece and there is not room for it in the house.

The railing for the stairway still hasn't been delivered or installed and I have no idea when the handyman will bring it. The pace of getting things done up here is amazing in its slowness but I hope it is soon. Then soon it will be time for deck work but I will wait until closer to summer. I'm still thinking of staining it first and then putting on a protective layer to preserve the wood. The winter snow dried it out a lot and I'm not sure that it has ever been treated before. Of necessity I will be doing a lot of the work myself. My other goal is to get more family pictures framed and hung to put valances in the living room rear windows. Progress may be slow but it is taking place.

03191992

Guide Me

Angels guide me
to make decisions
that will be the best
choices that grow
leading me along
to where I need to go

03131996

Roaming the hills

I took a ride into town, mainly to get rid of the leavings from the rat's nest, ugh! I am grateful my friend Phil helped me clean out the wood box, which it had moved into and was preparing for its upcoming family.

I keep washing my hands but still feel the need to reclean them when I handle anything in the vicinity of the rat. Needless to say, I hate rats and I'm not fond of snakes either. I'm proud of myself that I set the trap and disposed of the dead create and will rest it again, just in case.

On a pleasanter note, I found and brought home my first boulder. I have decided to terrace the hill with boulders for that is within my budget, free. I need to search them out and plant them like flowers on the hill. A lot of homes up here have rock walls. I will keep my eyes open for healthy prospects about that area that I am able to lift. The first one is in place in front of the new rose bushes and looks right fine there.

I also followed my whimsy up and down the roads and hills, finding new homes in forest settings, some still covered in snow, and getting more pictures for my collection. It was relaxing going at my own pace and stopping at will. The car heated up when I got home from all the climbing in low gear but recovered nicely within a few minutes.

There are marvelous homes set way back from the road with tall pines for a front yard and houses clinging to the side of a hill that is their front year if air can be a yard. Some are hidden behind a curve and like a miracle, or a mirage, come into view at a road's turn, like magic. Now you see it, now you don't only in reverse. There is so much more for me to explore and I would love to have family and friends just ramble with me and share my amazement and wonder.

I love to work in the garden and wonder what I can create here. I've never had a hill to work before. It is a new challenge, one I am anxious to see come to life. Somehow I want it to be magnificent, breathtaking, and peaceful, a tribute to Go for the gift of this home and my new life and experiences. I feel truly blessed.

Tomorrow I will bless this home. I will sprinkle Holy Water around it, burn the sage smudge stick and say a prayer and ask the angels to join me. I feel their presence. This is a place of healing, of peace, and of creativity. I ask God's guidance in all that I do.

03121990

Me, my friend and prospectives

Today I went with my camera driving and climbing with a friend. Not the slow pace that I usually go at but I did record, in my memory bank, places to revisit and photograph. We also went up to Mount Pinos where there is a more abundant amount of snow but there were lots of cars, kids, and snow bunnies covering the hills, as well as standing in the streets, it was hard to get may pictures as I am trying to capture the pristine beauty of nature, at this point, and not the tremendous activity of mankind spoiling it. It was a good day never the less and we both felt buoyed up after our exploration.

We stopped to let her black lab romp in the snow. As with most labs, she is very, very, hyper and knocked her owner down and then tried to drag her up the hill. All the while smiling in her playful doggy way. Luckily for my friend, she was able to regain her feet and convince her pet they were not going to climb the mountain. A family with small children arrived, running across the highway without looking, and we had to quickly hurry the lab away and into the car as she is not used to children and we didn't want to take any chances. She can be terribly hard to control and never seems to tire but certainly wears one out just being around her. She is wild about snow and even in the car will wildly go from side to side bouncing on anything in her path as if saying "its snow, its snow, its snow!" At this point, my friend and I both need to relax and unwind with a hot cup of tea.

It is an evening to be in touch with my friends and family. Friends called as well as three out of my four of my children and, as usual, it is wonderful to hear their voices, their news, and to share our adventures.

I delivered some of my greeting cards to the little gift store in town and am now waiting to hear from the owner. It is in God's hands but I am proud of myself for finally broaching the subject and for taking them in at all. I am not secure about selling myself and must learn to conquer this shyness in order to be successful in my graphics. I must also update my business cards and make some advertisements.

What do I want to concentrate on? I am excited with the thought of creating postcards. Many requests have been made to those who work in the village but there are not available up here. I am grateful for the suggestion and for being singled out to remedy the situation. I also thought I could mat and frame a few pictures for the store. I have heard that there is a lilac festival and I should rent a table. It's the big thing up here. Then I should like to paint some pictures from the photographs I am taking and get back to my angels as well. I started that series of pictures some time ago and have not finished the full series I want to create. One step at a time will get me to my destination and my goals.

03121990

Protected

I have to trust that my angle will assist me in my new beginnings. Teaching me faith, how to accept uncertainty, and give me a firm belief that all comes out right in the end. Let me follow my heart to live a committed and meaningful life. Give me the knowledge that I'm guided, loved, and protected at all times.

03201996

As spring comes

The snow melts little more each day. In some ways, it seems like the reverse of winter, like the ground is growing. Sometimes there's just an inlet of white connecting two areas of snow with brown dirt, rocks, and plants becoming more exposed. It is almost as if a rebirth were taking place, which in a way it is. At night from above, it almost looks like a map with oceans of snow against a continent of the land, large landmasses and smaller islands, all waiting exploration.

My hill is part of my own little world, constantly changing, evolving, growing, and developing as I am in this new area and phase of my life. I am starting a whole new chapter of my life and a new way of thinking. My work is now more mental and creative than physical. My exercise comes from the energy I put into my yard and home. God is in charge and He he has brought me to this place for peace and a purpose.

I am learning new things each day, making new choices, seeing with new eyes and always growing. I'm not the same person I was a few years ago and I feel the presence of the Angels very near me.

The expansive sky has never been as clear or bright elsewhere. The stars winking like diamonds speak to me of another world, a heaven that awaits that is beyond imagination. Nature is a part of all our lives in God's country. As the evening progresses the lights dim and go out in the houses around me and it is just myself and the night and God here soaking in the silence. The air is fresh and clean without the heaviness of the city. There is a sound that silence makes, it is called serenity through God's grace.

My fruit trees are beginning to bud, a sure sign that spring is on the way. More and more bulbs are making their way to the surface and soon it should be a riot of color in the front flowerbed. My small pine tree has unearthed itself from the snow and seems to be taller than when winter began. The igloo that my son and grandchildren built during their visit caved in long ago and is slowly melting into the earth and water runs down the hill in a fast-moving stream during the day. In the early mornings, when the air is still cold, there can be a danger of the ice on the ground. Something you learn quickly when you move to the mountains.

I'm looking forward to seeing the diverse gardens up here as spring turns into summer. I understand many others besides me enjoy their gardens and roses, poppies, tulips, and many other flowers, all of which will soon be in bloom transforming this paradise I call home once again.

03131990

Moving Forward

My consciousness of the spirit within me is my unlimited source and connection to the divine power of God. It will give me back the years eaten away by locusts, fire, famine, and flood. It makes all things new, lifts me up to the heavens. This awareness, understanding, and knowledge of spirit appears as angels before me, making the road I need to travel visible.  Let me travel it wisely.

04041998

Footprints

There are footprints in the snow leading up, leading out, and crossing the hill in ways roundabout. They're caught, ever captured from the porch in the light like a frightened rabbit being chased seeking safety and the night. Was it a hawk, a coyote, just what did it fear that caused these footprints across the snow to appear?

God does not give the snow-covered beauty just for me but for all those here that have the vision to see. Not just with the eyes but with love and spirit too. When we truly can see God's hand in everything we experience, we see anew. We have a chance to make each and every day to be in joy, be in grace, to be fully alive, to see the blessings in all things or to merely survive.

Each day is a gift and its slowly revealed with the sun arising or clouds overhead, the lift of the Birdsong and the sparkle of snow can be blessings in awareness in our tracks wherever we go. If we are willing to follow, to be open to change, to see each dapple of sunlight, soft falling rain, or wind-driven snow, not in cost but in gain. To not see a hardship they beauty bestowed in each sparkling snowflakes swirling and twirling from God in the heavens to the ground below. Think of each raindrop as a tear filled with love dropped down by the Angels and our Father above.

Footsteps can assure us of life all around like calling cards left in the snow on the ground. I am so very blessed to live in the most beautiful places filled with nature and seasons and led here by grace. Each morning when I arise I give thanks for this day and promise to be aware of each breath I take, of the squirrels and the birds to both share and partake of each moment, each sunbeam, each golden head flower, to savor each minute, treasure each hour. To not complain or bemoan another snowfall but to be grateful to live where it comes down at all.

Help me slow down to walk in the path where you have led me in peace to follow your track. God is the footprint I find in the snow, for He lives in all things and people I meet or those that I already know. He can take any form when coming to call, so be grateful when you see footprints to know He's here after all.

01011992

Wet snow and rain

The winds howled through the night and the snow kept falling as well as building up to ever greater heights. Then the rains and wet snow came creating a heavy mush difficult and weighty to move. I cleared the decks only so I could put out seeds for the squirrels that came despite the inclement weather. They are more punctual than the postal carriers. The quail came in droves running down the hill as if a pot of gold were waiting at the bottom.

Everything today is as if seen through a layer of gauze, the moisture thick and damp. It is a good day to work on my greeting cards. I look through my recent photographs and decide which parts I would like to reproduce in card form and what I choose to eliminate. Two are gray, two-toned ones that remind me of today, almost monochrome, taken from the back deck. One is of a sunset with the mountain, a black relief in front and green tree branches in the foreground. It is quite diverse from the previous pictures and offers more variety and dimension to God's country.

The air is crisp when I step out for a break and I add another layer of clothes to ward off the chill. Today's a good day also to concentrate on my correspondence with his family. There is a treasured feeling to the written word, a cheerful card arriving in the mail that electronic greetings cannot substitute for, although they do serve their purpose. I believe we put more thought into a written letter than an electronic one.

I have correspondence from my childhood and they can re-create memories of times gone past, resurrect a loved one as we trace an old signature and lovingly written words. Sometimes I come across a pressed flower inserted within, still recognizable as a pansy or a rose. I will try to make my words today meaningful to those who receive them and seal them with blessings and send them on wings of Angels so that they too will know they are loved.

The winds come up in the evening in a new frenzy of cold that cuts through to the core. Big white billowing clouds gather beyond the mountain and the haze is not quite so dense as before. Now at least I can see the houses behind me and the smoke rising from chimneys where neighbors gather to ward off the cold as do I.

12241990

Shopping for Anne

Morning dawns gently today as the sky is overcast. There is a far-off rumbling of thunder. I have portioned out and filled all the feeders; Pesky's on the back deck, Peeker's on the front, a bowlful on the lower deck for the wee Chipmunks, the one in the trees, emptied just yesterday by a greedy squirrel, as well as throwing a bowl's worth on top of the hill. One Blue Jay screams loudly for me to hurry and go inside so he can steal the peanuts before the squirrel comes. One big gray came scampering down the neighbor's tree and is feasting on the Hill, soon the many quail will be here as well.

I will load up on seed, suet and treats in town. I almost postponed my drive to Santa Clarita as the snow started coming down but the minute there was a break in the clouds and the road seemed clear I was off on a wing and a prayer, trusting in God to watch over me on my journey and get me safely home.

As usual, when I went to the baby store, looking for a little outfit for Anne for Easter, I went a little crazy and bought her all kinds of jumpers, hats, dresses and bows. It seems to fill something within me for the lack of being near enough to hold and cuddle her, watch her learn to lift her chest, roll over and discover her feet, sing her lullabies and get wet sloppy kisses. I also found some bunny ears that my daughter was searching for. I'm certain it is a prop for more pictures.

I bought yet another birdfeeder. There are so many birds that come and the squirrels dominate as many feeders as they can, stealing all the seed. It's a month's worth of shopping in one grand spree. I bought more cat, bird, and squirrel supplies than for myself. God will supply for my needs as He has blessed me in return many times.

One of my former coworkers called and during our phone visit I mentioned looking for another curio cabinet for my many Angels. She just got a new one and is going to give me her small one as a gift. I can only accommodate a small one as my cabin is small with lots of windows that take up much of the wall space but bring in the beauty of my surroundings inside better than a picture for it is in constant change. God's generosity and love have already been promised and I am grateful.

02131990

Like Smoke

Deep in the night,
while I slept....
an angel came to me,
she brought me hope,
gave me love, set me free...
together we wept...
in joy and delight,
despair vanished like smoke....

01101996

Trust

In searching for my path
life has brought me to God
guided here by angels
I've had to learn to trust
before I could be set free

03201996

Mine to explore

God lives within me....
oh, how long it took
to realize this truth
no more searching
the path is before me
together with angels
mine to explore

03201996