Higher Selves

When we choose and identity,
we begin to build our essence...
from within it starts to grow,
that higher self we call divine,
for we are the source, us true

04041996

In the monastery

In the monastery, before the meal, we acknowledge our food as a gift of the universe, the earth, the sky, and hard work. Let us live in ways that transform us, that elevates the mind, that frees the soul. Give us understanding and love to meditate upon.

06221966

Getting Lost

If you have a sacred place and use it, take advantage of it, something will happen. You'll connect with who you are, and who you might be. I've noticed other people's sacred space and I admire them for it. I've had dreams of a sacred space for myself, telling me I have a need for that quiet sacred spot. A place to celebrate, concentrate and consecrate my inner self. And so, I gather meaningful objects that evoke love and gratitude. Building a meditation table, covered with a lace cloth, angel candles, stones, and incense. Flowers too, along with my rosary, and here I lose myself in my being, one, part of all that is.

05201996

A sacred space

I've got a sacred space,
a place just for me...
where I go to just be
experiencing nothing
rejoined, set free
here I am, in meditation

05201996

Ups and downs

The owner of the antique shop called, they've agreed to carrying my card line and will gladly accept the note cards too if they have the same sort of pictures, I assured them they do. The one problem I see is they upped the price to $4.95 each so that they could take a profit of $2.00 per card which is more than 60%. They had originally told me the consignment was 10%, but either they have great faith in the sales or are suffering from greed or need.

I stopped to deliver the cards when I went to the post office, which is when I discovered the change in price although they are nicely displayed at the front counter. I'll leave it in God's hands but will visit some of the other shops, like the flower shop and candy store, as well as the hardware store, and see if they will carry them as well at a more reasonable price. I also want to put out an ad for my graphics and post it in the post office and wherever else they will allow. I also need to get my business cards redone with my correct address and phone number. It is on one of my discs, I just need to locate it.

I enjoyed making more little notecards. I lose myself when I am editing my pictures, highlighting the colors are bringing windows out of the shadows, removing unwanted cable and phone lines and making other small changes and seeing the finished product.

It was a necessity to spend time on the phone with the phone company as months after I returned a phone they sent I am still being charged for it even though I had canceled the order before they even put it in the mail and they claim they could not find any order for. Then I had to call the credit union to straighten out another problem. The third irritation on my list, the asphalt that sunk into the snow over the newly placed septic tank, had to wait as the person I needed to speak with wasn't in. It seems I almost have to take myself out of the state of peace and grace in order to deal with these people and even my journaling becomes stilted and more about facts than feeling.

I'm sure I can build the wood planters, add a framework for trellises and maybe even build a bench to sit on. I walk around the driveway area under a large oak and picture where I would put each planter, the doorway, and the rock planter I would like to build next to the stairway. That will come to life as well. The back area toward the forest I would leave open and I would put out lots of pots of different heights and shapes with a multitude of flowers in every color you could imagine. The beauty of nature is something I meditate upon.

04011996

When you're ready

The Buddha will show you the way,
find him within.
A waiting door,
that needs to be opened.
When you're ready.

06181996

Footprints

There are footprints in the snow leading up, leading out, and crossing the hill in ways roundabout. They're caught, ever captured from the porch in the light like a frightened rabbit being chased seeking safety and the night. Was it a hawk, a coyote, just what did it fear that caused these footprints across the snow to appear?

God does not give the snow-covered beauty just for me but for all those here that have the vision to see. Not just with the eyes but with love and spirit too. When we truly can see God's hand in everything we experience, we see anew. We have a chance to make each and every day to be in joy, be in grace, to be fully alive, to see the blessings in all things or to merely survive.

Each day is a gift and its slowly revealed with the sun arising or clouds overhead, the lift of the Birdsong and the sparkle of snow can be blessings in awareness in our tracks wherever we go. If we are willing to follow, to be open to change, to see each dapple of sunlight, soft falling rain, or wind-driven snow, not in cost but in gain. To not see a hardship they beauty bestowed in each sparkling snowflakes swirling and twirling from God in the heavens to the ground below. Think of each raindrop as a tear filled with love dropped down by the Angels and our Father above.

Footsteps can assure us of life all around like calling cards left in the snow on the ground. I am so very blessed to live in the most beautiful places filled with nature and seasons and led here by grace. Each morning when I arise I give thanks for this day and promise to be aware of each breath I take, of the squirrels and the birds to both share and partake of each moment, each sunbeam, each golden head flower, to savor each minute, treasure each hour. To not complain or bemoan another snowfall but to be grateful to live where it comes down at all.

Help me slow down to walk in the path where you have led me in peace to follow your track. God is the footprint I find in the snow, for He lives in all things and people I meet or those that I already know. He can take any form when coming to call, so be grateful when you see footprints to know He's here after all.

01011992

Fog, snow and weekenders

I am up way before the dawn. My mind has been a factory of churning ideas all night but I feel rested nonetheless. The sky is clear except for a group of clouds hanging over the mountains out back. A golden glow peeks through the trees of the mountain out front and could almost be mistaken for a bright porch light except for the glow that backlights the trees on the horizon and you know it is Mr. Moon sinking to bring night to other areas of the world as Mr. Sun arises to the day.

A large Stellar Jay comes to sit on the pinnacle of the neighbor's roof and the squirrels begin to arrive for breakfast. The sound of the quail in the hill across the road comes drifting in before their appearance as they run, sliding down my hill, after crossing the street in twos and threes. The birds arrive in groups and varieties of color in song to welcome the new day. Good morning world, you're up and so are we, ready for another wonderful day in God's country.

In meditation, I slip into the universe and it into me, fused, we are one. When I step outside, a deep, damp fog, comes rolling in, almost hiding my own house from view. The hills are is if absent, as are the houses and trees around me. I feel engulfed in the moistness of fog.

I doubted I would go to the post office when my friend called and offered me a ride. The greeting cards are being postponed getting to the antique store, as is the stair rail to me. The weather here does have a way of controlling our activities. I saw a lone Common Redpoll, which is unusual up here. It was sitting in my flower bed when I return from the post office, another breed add to my list of birds.

This afternoon I started work on the family, tree getting the Canadian branch of the family in order. It took me quite a while to get my cousin Jeanne, her eleven children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all accounted for.

At five, when I again visited the outside, the sky was letting small flakes of snow fall. Within two hours 3 inches was already on the ground and the wind had picked up. Another night of snowfall is upon us. Neighbors are asking if winter will ever end. The lights are on at the weekender's house across the way. I imagine they came up for some snow find before it is gone for the year. It is time to relax and enjoy the evening myself.

01021989

Thoughts of expansion and exploration

I can always hear the scamper of little feet; only here they are not children but furry, fluffy-tailed squirrels. Nevertheless, they are God's children too and he created them with the same love He has created all things with. I'm grateful to be able to provide some nourishment for them and they give me back much amusement with their antics.

I have finish shoveling the driveway, once again, and water runs off coursing down to the backyard as the sun slowly melts the snow, never clearing it completely this winter since the storms began but doing its best when it is warm to keep the drifts from getting out of hand. One small edge of the flower bed has melted off and a tiny golden freesia is peeking out from below, again surviving a pile of snow atop it.

I often wonder if there is an empty lot between my home and the neighbor's due to the vast space occupied by trees between them. I envision clearing part of it and building a garage with a studio atop where I can set up my drawing table, have a skylight, plenty of window light, storage, and a walkway to my house, as well as a gallery wall to display my artwork. It would be quite right to have an art studio as my home is perfect for living, especially for one, but will not accommodate my big drawing table, which is really a door. What you think God? Maybe even a second computer for my graphics.

I really feel that I need a place of business, what better way to walk to work if the lot was for sale, I could purchase it, and afford to build a dual-purpose studio/garage that would fill both my needs. I can see the clearing quite well and I would build up instead out, leaving the maximum forest area untouched for God's creatures in the unspoiled beauty of the land.

I still have not journeyed the depth and width of my backyard and I feel I should do that before long. To explore the pines that are part of my property. To get my country legs under me and not be in fear of falling down the hill, and to judge the best area to create a path using natural rocks as well as some stairs in the steep areas. It is a wonderful, peaceful, area to walk, to be in touch with God and nature. To find a spot to sit and meditate and just be at one with my surroundings.

God has led me to this area for a purpose and all will be revealed in time. Meanwhile, it is time to expand my horizons and to explore God's country in more depth.

04161990

Knowing

This is the day the Lord has made, be grateful for this new day, it is yours. At times it seems as if our minds are muddy, sit still, meditate and let all become clear. All will be revealed when it's supposed to be and no sooner. Have patience and know that this is a test of faith, for it is the Holy Spirit who opens us to knowledge, and gives us the gift of knowing.

04041998

The Door

The Buddha came to me
in meditation, he called
a voice of deep silence
a door that opened to me
and there I found the way

06181996

Be Mindful

The Buddha was asked, "holy one, what is it that you and your monks practice?" The Buddha replied, "We sit, or walk, or eat." The questioner continued, "but sir, everyone does that," and the Buddha replied, "When we sit, we know we are sitting. When we walk, we know we are walking. When we eat, we know we are eating. We and our acts are one. We strive to be mindful of our lives."

06081996

Destiny

Resolve Conflicts
Flourish in Peace
This is the possibility
When we find the way
Our path becomes free
Our destiny is clear....

03121992

A universe of change

We create our own universe and each of us is at the center of it. What we invite into the core of our world is our choice; what we allow ourselves to see, to experience, to feel. We can be alive to the moment or just exist. This is what I meditate upon.

To being in consciousness is to not just observe but to become part of all that is around you. The mountains become our strength, the stars our visions, the daybreak our rebirth each morning to all the possibilities we can allow ourselves to live within. Each moment of each day is important, as are we. There is a purpose to each one and everything in creation. Nothing is stagnant but constantly changing, evolving, becoming.

My world in the mountains this winter has been a very white world as we have had record snowfalls. The last two days have been combinations of rain and wet snow but at Four this afternoon heavy snow started to come down again in earnest. The kind of snow that claims to the branches, leaves, and bends the young saplings. I see my Aspen curved again toward the ground. It was finally beginning to recover from the first big snow that changed its shape. The current snow has been dampened and heavy enough to cause a repeat.

The fruit trees and bushes are altering appearances as they take on the shape formed by the wet, white powder clinging to them, forming clumps in areas, leaving only brown patches where the trunk climbs out of the ever-increasing buildup, layer upon layer over many days, weeks, months, never being warm enough, long enough, to decrease it significantly before it accrues more.

The path my grandchildren created riding their sleds down my hill is no longer visible and the entrance to the igloo they built is steadily being filled in, by morning only those who know would recognize it as anything but a huge pile berm above the road.

The light from the window highlights the sparkling flakes as they come spiraling down from heaven as thick as feathers during a pillow fight, exploding with motion, dancing on air. Icicles are growing, as are cotton like clumps of snow layered on branches, clinging to leaves and piled in the crooks and crevices. As he universe is continuously evolving, so are we, and the morning will bring a bright white and transformed landscape again, as each day brings its own blessings and surprises.

12021992

A hummingbird friend

I arose to a new snowfall this morning. We will have no shortage; it seems, of water this year. It lasted a little over three hours but was not a deterrent to the squirrels, the birds, or my high spirits.

At nine the sun was out and as I open my front door to an in my face encounter with a hummingbird that came to call. It was as if he had two messages, "Spring is coming"and "where is my food." I have not put out any hummingbird feeders, as yet, not having expected them so soon. It is time to rethink my expectations. The little gold freesias bloomed yesterday, another sign of spring. I took my trusty shovel and expeditiously cleared my driveway, the berm, my car, and my stairway. It was good to be out and exercising and meditating in rhythm.

Ron, the carpenter, came to measure for my staircase handrail and to have me select my preference of wood color. It is time for me to get busy painting the stairwell before the rail is installed. I left off after it painted half of the entryway and have not resumed.

The drive to the post office is an outing I look forward to and I try to make it a time of exploring my new area as well, both to acclimate and admire. This time I was able to cruise the hills at a leisurely pace, to pause at the side of the road when I saw an eye-catching view and to attempt to capture it on film: pictures of the houses nestled in deep valleys with the snow-covered mountains in the background, of winding roads climbing through the forested heights, cloud enveloped mountain caps, and the sheer beauty of God's country. Another time I will return to catch the images of houses clinging to pinnacles. Last night I was concentrating on cloud formations.

Snow flurries started again once I arrived home. There is a deep haze hanging between the mountains and the back deck, so thick it seems as if it could be separated with any object or perhaps blown further away if you could take a deep enough breath. Small icicles have started to form on the tree branches and the birds hopping on the branches left uncovered sent some bobbing like crystals. The birds themselves seem as if nature ornaments until they move. The new snow looks like powdered sugar the edges of the hill while the driveway is still clear. The air stings like tiny arrows through my skin, driving me indoors, where once again I'm greeted by the warmth of my fireplace.

03031994

Our Gift

The enlightenment of the Buddha sits waiting....
compassion and love the path I choose....
let me grow each day, here and now.
Let me be me, in understanding....
This the gift of Jesus given us all

06191996

Break time is over

Today I must attend to the driveway snow I took a holiday from yesterday. The penalty of it is large patches of hard ice I'm unable to get up. I hope the sun, later, will melt it off without turning it into black ice making it into the possibility of a dangerous fall. I walk aware of my every step. This round of forgot to put on my gloves and had to return to the house after only 15 minutes, and a good deal of shoveling, to unthaw them. I'm making good progress despite the ice.

The big gray squirrel was sitting in the pan and stayed there eating as long as I didn't move from the porch. When I did he jumped out and quickly returned for just a few more bites. They are getting quite used to me and I am recognizing their individuality. Besides Pesky, I have named one Peeker because he's always spying on me. The big one I have named Gutsy because he is the most unafraid and bold his actions. There are more unnamed as yet. The one with the torn ear, whom I seldom see, is Shredder. He looks like a real scrapper. They truly are sources of constant amusement.

The sky forecasts a sunny day and my son and his families contemplating a visit if the roads are safe enough I miss my children and grandchildren look forward to seeing them but to not want them to put themselves at risk.

The icicle refractions are back, giving an appearance of starbursts through the window. Another storm is predicted for tomorrow when my neighbors will be making their way oh. I wish them a safe journey. They will call me for a weather report.

I try to live each day as a soul experience, welcoming the gifts that it brings, to see the blessings of beauty and gathering strength through activity and to exercise my brain as well as my body and to be in a conscious state of awareness. To not rush through the day but to savor the moment, concentrating on the now instead of dwelling on the pastor being in anticipation of the future and thus missing the gift this moment brings.

I found the blue scarf the neighbor lost. It was peeking out of the berm across the road. I have retrieved it until we meet again as I do not know where he lives. I put it out where he can find only to discover someone is brought it to my door.

The snow tracks tell stories of passings we have not personally seen but are still a witness to, like spirit invisible but imprinted nonetheless.

01171995

Transformation

I woke up in a strange monastery,
awaiting a morning meal....
reciting the five contemplations
were monks aplenty...
on this, I meditated quietly
the gift of food to come
will nourish my soul....
and complete my transformation....

06221996

Cast Aside

In order to cast aside illusion,
we must look deep inside....
meditation upon the self,
seeing who we really are....

05131996

Be Open

Sitting beneath the Bodhi Tree,
many wonderful days pass by,
holy seeds blossomed wisdom,
there waits Buddha in meditation....
let the tao guide humanity....
let the Holy Spirit descend,
may we be open to understanding....

06171996