Letting Go

Letting go can be hard, especially for a mother. Letting them take the car for a long drive to see a friend. Letting them go to explore and try new things you have not dared like skiing down a slope. Letting them go on a flight overseas to visit other lands without you there at any of these times to watch or hold their hands.

Watching them gain independence and learn to stand on their own. Letting them go so they can grow and try new things alone. Letting them go to leave the nest and get their own place and sending them with gifts of plates and towels and other things they need to start out and your best wishes.

It can be hard, like the first time they walked to school and asked you not to accompany them. But letting go is a gift. It is the wings they need to succeed. It is saying I believe in you as you hide your worry. Letting them go as they move miles away to make their own home.

Not seeing them for months at a time but allowing them their space is a gift too. A gift of love. Keeping in touch is important as is encouragement. They have solid roots and will bloom wherever they are for they know who they are and that they are loved.

You send little care packages to remind them of home and of a mother's love. You share pictures and long telephone calls. Cards and letters make their way across the miles. They are always near to you in your heart. You are there for the good times and there for the bad times.

You're a mom and you find that they are there for you too. To encourage you in new things, a career change, going it alone. You share laughter and tears. You brag about them to your friends. They too have children far away. They understand. But love knows no distance.

Their presence is alive in all that you see and do. It will be time for a visit soon and you'll share their favorite foods and places that they've missed or they will show you their new discoveries in what is now home to them. Letting go is empowering and filled with faith.

01182000

Where I need to go

You are always with me,
as are your angels....
I put my life in your hands,
and my future...
Your guidance will take me
where I need to go...

01192000

I don't

I realize now
that I didn't talk enough
I didn't contribute myself in total
to what we were
so leaving our love to die
of starvation...

Instead I overpowered you
with my presence
overcaring... smothering
avoiding personal questions
that would leave me vulnerable
not asking of you
truths I know would hurt
that is only half giving...
shutting our eyes to what we don't know
if we don't ask
but if we didn't know
why was the question there?

I wanted to say
"stop the world for me"
there are no others
let it be me instead

So afraid of being demanding
in this one area
I let everything die instead
not even able to walk away in dignity
I struck back...
using pity as a weapon
and untruths
leaving not love thoughts
but guilt
shaming myself in the process

I always said
"you don't really know me"
and you didn't
for without communication,
guts, and personal truths
can there ever be knowledge
of who someone really is?

The telephone rings... you are there
I want to say "I love you"
but I don't...

121919777

Without Fuel

I'm not good at games
with men
it's not my forte
I'm too up front
to be a flirt
it's been so long
I've forgotten how to play....

There's no alternative
that I can see
for a relationship with one man
that being close
one man... one woman
I see no other recourse for me
I'm an echo in the void....

Something in me
keeps holding back
I feel uncomfortable, vulnerable
even now I'm satyric
and dislike my infrequency
my mind wanders to transgress
but my fire's without fuel

06061978

The more you give

Because you wanted...
and because I care...
I removed my affections
but my love's still there...
My body can grow cold with age,
but a warm heart beats still
even though it doesn't show...
I love you now and always will.
Do you think I must be near you
for this love of mine to live?
It doesn't need to be within walls,
it's from in your heart you give,
and like the wind that blows the leaves
into the world... everywhere,
I may not see my beloved again
but my love will always be there.
It is one thing that only grows,
the more you give, the more you share.

09181976

Do not visit me

Death
you could smell it
Death
was a visitor
in our garage
its putrid odor
was invading itself
through the cracks
into the house
into everything
an evil visitor
the cat
had been murdered
someone
had bashed its head in
and stuck it in the fan
its mouth
with the lips eaten away
only teeth left
in a painful tight grimace
its hair dying away
maggots breading
only sickness such as they
could live on
feeding upon death
god it was horrible
Death do not visit me
so cruelly again!

08211978

Spring in New England

A crumple of old snow
still covers the earth
bleached weeds and grasses
poke through,
showing not a sign of life
the birds pipe lonely,
occasional cries,
and dark rivers run ominously swift,
flinging along branches and patches of ice.
Still I can look at the grayest day
and and see in it promises that dazzle my eyes
visions of green - -  everywhere green
green as only New England can be
I feel a friendly warmth
overlying the uncharitable chill
its light touch comes and goes
and then persists
between the puddles of melting ice
and pockets of worn down snow,
earth softens
for a day or two, it gives off
the sumptuous scent of thaw,
smelling more wonderfully of spring
than even violets do
I breathe it in... and smile
crocuses pop up in miniature bravado,
and then collapse under
the astonishment of late snow
one day, while the ground is still spongy,
the faintest possible haze of green appears
in last year's grass
trees are discernibly in bud
I savor every little sign of spring--
notice everything... my very soul insists
there are promises in frosty mornings,
in clouds thinning where the sun insists
and in simple souls like mine
it makes me feel there's still something
to have faith in...

12021978