Had I known

Had I known… That loving you
could trouble you so
I would never have told you
you don't know… how badly I feel
because I do care,
to see you in such discomfort… Until
I avoid your having to see me
ever… anywhere.
Had I known… and because I'm a friend
I would never have been vulnerable
and allowed you to cut me deep
so my insecurities were laid bare,
it cost much too much… In what one loses
and now I'm caught within myself
you don't know… All the abuses
caused upon my heart,
everything that was close to me
my whole life… has fallen apart.
How can you say…
I'm sorry for loving you?
Had I known… it would hurt you so much
would I have done differently,
begrudged myself your touch?

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