Like a good soldier

I am the house of lovelessness
I have cursed you often enough
for what I have created myself
you didn't ask me to love you
and I realize all of this
but it doesn't help at all
the silences between my thoughts
are poems written in the wind
I feel more lost than I ever thought possible
abandoned in this lonely world
I have prayed to stop loving you
you'd think God was deaf
the way he's responded
nothing has lessened
in my feelings for you
I feel punished and don't know
what I did so wrong to cause it all
maybe in another life
I'm paying now for yesterday's deeds
could I have been your wife then
and you sent in a dream to kiss my breast
a flicking tongue beneath the skin
I hate myself for this one weakness
You the doctor playing God
or is it the other way around
operated on me and cut out my soul
leaving emptiness behind
and a bleeding, gaping wound
but like a good soldier
I'll keep up the fight
until death demises me
Someone lied when they said
time heals all wounds
some sores keep growing and spreading
widening the gape of the hurt...
Insomnia is my nightly companion
and tranquilizers my daily crutch
and loneliness an emptiness
to fill the void of my soullessness....

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