One home and garden

This place is definitely one of the spirit, for you feel a greater interconnectedness just looking out the windows at the majesty of the mountains behind, the snow-covered hills in front, sparkling icicles melting from the sun, clinging to the branches of the oaks outside my kitchen and dining room.

The array of birds seen in the trees as I sit at my table is a constantly changing tableau. I am learning to identify more of them and to recognize their differences as in the variety of Blue Jays alone for we have several. The gray squirrels also are constant climbers in the trees and often stop to peer in the windows. They are gluttons when it comes to food but they are worth the expense for the joy amusement they give in return.

I took a walk of the hill and back for exercise. I've found that I too would like to plant more pines up front and to see which ones thrive best here and to at least plant one a year. Also, I want roses in my garden and feeders dispersed among them and some baby's breath and yarrow. I understand the butterfly bushes do well up here, a deep blue one would be nice in the yard and a good contrast. Also, I need to decide on the type of ground cover.

I have noticed that on the sunny side of the house most of the snow is melted off the roof while the other side is almost totally covered still. It is quiet and still and peaceful. I have never found such serenity anywhere else in the world. To have the wants of the sun and the beauty of the yard filled the snow is a double blessing. Is like having summer and winter combined.

I've been looking at gardening books and trying to picture a landscape for my hill in my mind before I lay it out on paper. Patience and time will bring it to a reality as well as hard work and healthy plants. It will be an investment well worthwhile. I do not want it to look like a city garden, just to enhance what already grows naturally, defining the outcroppings it already has. The challenge will be to create some type of path leading up so that I can manage it all. It needs more thought and study. There is no hurry for I plan on being here for a long time. Like me, my home and garden, as well as my forest need to evolve.

11191990

Home of the spirit

I awake to a frozen world this morning. The car windows are frozen over with ice and the snow that melted across the driveway is now a slippery to avoid. The birdseed froze in the pan and the birds were unable to pick out individual portions for breakfast. The hanging feeder is almost empty now but has enough for the frequent visitors arriving one or two at a time.

The sun is come out promising a beautiful day with greater warmth to look forward to. Everything it touches sparkles. My neighbor is home and working hard on his driveway after leaving for three days. It is hard work he says and will take days but he is hoping the sunshine will speed up the process.

There is a hawk sitting on the telephone wires. All the birds are gone from the yard, not wanting to be his prey and they are all making a large racket trying to drive the predator away. He calmly looks around in all directions waiting for movement and listening for a sound he can target in on. Later I learned that he caught and killed one of the Quail and that the neighbor has seen him lurking about in the back forested area frequently. He looks both majestic and lethal.

Down the Hill hears of more of the cars spinning its tires as someone obviously tries to extract it from the snow they have let build up and engulf it. Their efforts, at this time, seemed unsuccessful.

Today I devoted time to catching up on my writing, my correspondence, my thoughts and to continue to be in touch with my spirit as I reach out to others with my inspirations, my words, my photographs, and my art. It has been a fulfilling day.

Tonight the moon is risen, not gold but his light is the snow, accompanied by its sister star. They hang over the same mountain each night. I see the dippers and look for the archer amongst the billions of stars God has created to light the night sky and I breathe in the beauty of Stardust.

This is the first home that has been mine alone, not chosen for children our schools but one that has drawn me in spirit. I knew it was home the minute I set foot in the door and when I looked out at the beauty beyond. I was sold as surely as if my name were inscribed on the woodwork and it was tied with a bow. Each day is a gift a new; each sunrise and sunset, each snowflake and Sunbeam a bountiful blessing of abundance.

02211992

Watching cloud formations

The air this morning is brisk and cold but the sky is a deep clear blue with wisps of clouds being blown across it in fragmented, ever-changing shapes. The day never warms and heavier clouds, fog-like in density, take over the sky, I am grateful for the break from shoveling snow, for the friends who gave me a ride to the post office and for the brief company.

As I stand outside on my deck I watching area of clouds swirl like a whirlpool and I am so mesmerized I feel almost sucked in by its pull, then the sun peeks out and lights up the whole area, touching the tips of the trees as well as the clouds. It is too cold today to snow but saw but perfect to freeze. It eats into your bones through the many layers of clothes and it seems to even slow the blood.

The mountains are patterns of shadow and light and texture. The white roofs below me are like signatures of the inhabitants around me and I never feel alone are lonely but truly blessed to live in surroundings that are so alive. The Blue Jay perches atop my tallest pine tree like an angel topper at Christmas only more befitting rural atmosphere.

What I feel most is at peace and in awe, connected to all that is, linked with the universe. I feel as the tree reaching heavenward and yet rooted deep in my beliefs. I feel as fresh as the snow covering all that I encounter and having the power to change what I can. I am as the clouds taking different form, being in motion, sometimes light as a feather and other times fuller, deeper, ready to share all that I have with others. Nothing in life is separate but part of a greater whole.

As evening comes the clouds again recede and the slip of the moon takes its place in the sky. Icicles hang like lace decorating my windows on two sides. I see new sprouts of pines peeking out from the snow in my forested backyard. It is the neighborhood of oaks leading down steeply with huge boulders growing up from the earth, at random, beneath them. Piles of twigs stand like a fortress built to house small animals against the cold winter brings here. The suet has been well nibbled and the new feeder is almost empty of sunflower seeds. My yard is a banquet for the hungry that come daily for their portion of the daily fare. Another day closes and tomorrow is yet another new beginning.

11131992

Family Roots

My family, my alter
together we pray
stronger we grow
bound with love
rooted as one....

06211996

Our Gift

The enlightenment of the Buddha sits waiting....
compassion and love the path I choose....
let me grow each day, here and now.
Let me be me, in understanding....
This the gift of Jesus given us all

06191996

Day by Day

I made contact with an angel,
when I let go of my limitations,
and stopped blocking my way...
She took me by the hand...
and led me to my path,
together we walked, day by day

01111996

Let Go

God is love,
the unity above,
promised so,
pure is the one
who let's go

03061996

All you see

My kinship is with all creatures,
high and low, near and far,
on earth and in the sea...
where sky and water merge...
and all is one, bird and fish,
all you touch, feel, and see,
you, and me...

03081996

Wonderfully Blessed

Let me return to heaven
in the full measure of love
carried on angel's wings
wonderfully blessed
in life and death

08131996

Just Waiting

My spirit soars
free from worry
infinite plenty
fills heaven
all for us
just waiting

08131996

Break time is over

Today I must attend to the driveway snow I took a holiday from yesterday. The penalty of it is large patches of hard ice I'm unable to get up. I hope the sun, later, will melt it off without turning it into black ice making it into the possibility of a dangerous fall. I walk aware of my every step. This round of forgot to put on my gloves and had to return to the house after only 15 minutes, and a good deal of shoveling, to unthaw them. I'm making good progress despite the ice.

The big gray squirrel was sitting in the pan and stayed there eating as long as I didn't move from the porch. When I did he jumped out and quickly returned for just a few more bites. They are getting quite used to me and I am recognizing their individuality. Besides Pesky, I have named one Peeker because he's always spying on me. The big one I have named Gutsy because he is the most unafraid and bold his actions. There are more unnamed as yet. The one with the torn ear, whom I seldom see, is Shredder. He looks like a real scrapper. They truly are sources of constant amusement.

The sky forecasts a sunny day and my son and his families contemplating a visit if the roads are safe enough I miss my children and grandchildren look forward to seeing them but to not want them to put themselves at risk.

The icicle refractions are back, giving an appearance of starbursts through the window. Another storm is predicted for tomorrow when my neighbors will be making their way oh. I wish them a safe journey. They will call me for a weather report.

I try to live each day as a soul experience, welcoming the gifts that it brings, to see the blessings of beauty and gathering strength through activity and to exercise my brain as well as my body and to be in a conscious state of awareness. To not rush through the day but to savor the moment, concentrating on the now instead of dwelling on the pastor being in anticipation of the future and thus missing the gift this moment brings.

I found the blue scarf the neighbor lost. It was peeking out of the berm across the road. I have retrieved it until we meet again as I do not know where he lives. I put it out where he can find only to discover someone is brought it to my door.

The snow tracks tell stories of passings we have not personally seen but are still a witness to, like spirit invisible but imprinted nonetheless.

01171995

Off to town

Yesterday was the first day with such an abundance of snow people were not able to get out and go to work. Many enjoy the holiday, especially as it came right before the weekend. It snowed off and on all day and for the first time I was not able to finish my shoveling as I was in too much pain and it was coming down too fast, but almost!

This morning there is not one twinkling star to see, even though I'm up very early, as there is a blanket of clouds and the soft fall of snow continues. Only about 4 inches of fallen since I last cleared the deck about seven in the evening. The quiet stillness is soothing.

The sound of the snowplow breaks the silence a little after six. I can hear the slow steady whirling long before his beacon lights the hills ahead and then comes the strobing yellow flashes and I know he's getting nearer. He pushes on down the hill, the snow partying in his wake, building the berm ever higher. Then he passes out of sight to return in the other direction. This time it is the large yellow plow, not the smaller trucks fitted with a shovel up front. Then the morning peace returns to enfold me.

That the birds have now been using the new feeder, as the level of seeds has dropped considerably. At first, they would not go near it. The quail and the birds are pecking at the snow trying to scare up some buried seed with not much luck. I filled up a large pan that a flowerpot would drain into with seed and set it out in the snow for them and they came flocking to get their share. The gray squirrel is climbing the roof and trying desperately to reach the new feeder again. He also comes around the corner and peaks at me as if he is studying the human species. When I turn around he stares for a while then quickly out of sight.

Once the roads were opened up I had the opportunity to visit the big town with a friend so I gladly abandoned my driveway clearing for the day in order to have my snow pictures developed and have lunch at a new barbecue restaurant recently opened. I know the snow will still be there when I return, and it is, glistening in the twilight of the now clear evening sky. The constellations, planets, and moon are waiting to greet me, seen so clearly in the mountain of home. No new snow has fallen in my absence and my cats eagerly greet me out the door. I'm grateful to be home, in God's country.

01121997

Sore but still moving

We had another 6 inches of snow last night. As of yesterday my neighbors were asking in November "and December "where is the snow?" and "when will he come?" are already complaining that we're getting it all at once and making plans to get out of town. To me it is still a beautiful world and I marvel at its newness each day.

From experience I know the snow must be removed while it is soft as feathers. Not only is it easier, though still a chore, but also once you walk on it you pack it down to hard ice and then it becomes impossible, especially when one has bad shoulders, to remove. Some neighbors have done absolutely no shoveling at all, others sparsely and then have gotten their vehicles stuck. I may not be able to drive my car because it is not equipped but neither do I want to completely buried and frozen in place, which is already happened once.

The clouds are dark and heavy, forewarning of more snowfall throughout the day. Today I will have to proceed with caution, less enthusiasm, and more frequent breaks, as my back and shoulders are still sore from yesterday. The physical work may make me sore but it keeps me limber. Also the elements will continue to bless us with more, even as I remove what is already here. The sky is like looking through fog covered glasses.

The pez snow is now started to fall but I have cleared both decks, which will make it easier the next round, for I'm  certain it will keep coming today. Without the view and with a good imagination it could almost seem like looking at the fog over San Francisco Bay as you search for the outline of the Golden gate Bridge. Everything seems surreal as if coated with a layer of heavy plastic and nothing is distinct.

When I come into rest I spend my time making greeting cards to catch up my friends on my adventures in the beauty of being a mountain woman. I feel truly blessed when I think of how much more snow my Canadian relatives of getting an feel a sense of satisfaction at how far I've reached already. Each day is its own blessing. I look forward to developing more pictures and to create a line of greeting cards. Work is important but joy in what you are doing is a gift from God.

Before I come in for the day I have a big pan of seed for the birds. They have been unable to scratch any that snow has buried, and they too need to share in my joy of life.

01051989

Another sunny day

It's wonderful to be up and active in the early mornings and a blessing that the more I shovel and scrape at snow the less my muscles ache. They are building confidence, as is my spirit up here in God's country. The beauty is spiritually uplifting. I have no sense of aloneness but on infinite peace, and serenity of being.

Today the sky is blue and clear and holds the promise of a sunny day, filled with warmth and inspiration. The birds are taking advantage of the feeder being out early and Pesky's late arrival to have the first choice of the food makes of nuts, fruit, and seed.

The cats are playing chase upstairs, obviously filled with vitality and stop periodically for a wrestling match, mother, and son, although old lady Pretends not to be watching but she obviously is enjoying their antics.

My energy is high this morning as well in by 8 o'clock I have already cleaned both upper deck's and half the driveway and thrown several scoops of seed out for the birds and onto the snowy hill so that they can feast while I take a break.

Another storm is predicted late tonight so I will embrace today to the fullest, with the deepest appreciation and awareness.

The new feeder I bought is providing much amusement to me and my neighbors and lots of frustration to one squirrel. He is determined to reach the sunflower seeds and to prove his acrobatic skills. He is hung on the roof icepack feet, tried swinging over from the side of the house. He managed to hit the feeder and put it in motion, which almost got am knocked off the wall. He tried from above, below and every which way but was unable to succeed, so it appears the feeder is safe from my fluffy tailed friends. Amazement good laughter rang out as we watched with the sounds of "look, look!." Only one of us felt he might be able to do it eventually.

The telephone lines are finally repaired after many arguments with the voices without faces on the phone and I can dedicate my other line back to the computer. It was to do a faulty spliced wire outside that would get damp and none of my equipment, as he claimed. He knew what it was right away as he had done the shortcut instead of replacing the faulty line when he was here before. Thank you God, I am no longer cut off from the outside world.

11021991

Underneath

Help me strip off the mask of illusion,
to see myself truly, beneath it all,
and find the love inside me...
that is my essence,
hiding underneath

04041996

Justice

Let God's love be my guide,
let it light the dark roads...
showing the world justice

03221996

Stand Strong

Light triumphs over darkness,
calm awaits in in days ahead....
we need but stand strong,
and face life's adversity....
this is how we will know
how deep is God's love...

03221996

All Is White Again

It's a Currier and Ives morning of sky and ground. A one color world and snow still falling in soft and steady flakes have obviously been at it for hours. The areas that were cleared due to self and sun are almost invisible now, only a faint outline of depth, which will soon be gone, still shows. That should last but a few minutes more. The trees again don their coats of snow so that they too may join in the endless whiteness where you recognize by shape or form and not by color. My little tree that just recently has sprung back from touching the ground is again being burdened to lower itself flake by flake and is bent again in the effort. I should've covered my outdoor rocker last night while I had the chance!

The birds are here collecting what seeds they can, but Pesky the squirrel, as yet, has not appeared, although I am sure he eventually will. Oops, there is now and I hadn't put out his feeder yet on the snow-laden table although I had already filled it. I was too mesmerized by the beauty around me. I put it out knowing that he would soon return. The cats are looking out the window in anticipation of greeting him again. One, of course, is busy trying to sit on my journal as I write. It is a ballet of wills and movement.

I left a plate of seed on the front lower deck for the squirrels and the birds out front. If I get a ride into town I will seek out the birdfeeder I've had my eye on and get it hung as the flat dishes fill with snow and the seeds soon freeze.

The sound but not the sight of an airplane passing overhead fills the silence, briefly. About 4 inches of snow has fallen thus far. I wonder if again I will be up to my knees in snow. The plow has just come by to clear the road and push more of what is gathered onto the berm. It will be a frequent action needed, I believe, from the steady continuous fall of the flakes, which has increased in intensity. It hangs like a living vapor distorting my view what is beyond my immediate vision. It will be a good day to finish my film and to work on creating and doing indoor things although I know I will give in to the lure of the snow and periodically visit the white wonderland outside my door.

11021992

Wanderlust

Rain is predicted for tonight but the skies are clear and the stars shining like beacons to heaven. The wind has come up and the odor of logs burning in fireplaces is carried in the air along with the chill it brings. Frequent falling stars can be seen up here because of the clarity and expense of the sky. I can hear the soft tinkling of the neighbor's wind chimes. Mine are still packed away somewhere. Here in my own home I can finally hang them and let them make music when the winds caress them. No signs of the clouds that will bring rain or snow but the winds did proceed the last big snowfall.

I didn't get to finish clearing the stairs today as the ice was too hard for me to chip away and where I had it was slick and slippery from the moisture that had fallen from the roof and I would be foolish to walk on it and take a fall so instead, I retreated.

Again I made the run to the post office while I could, to savor my independence and to exercise the car engine. The drive isn't far and is by now quite familiar. I received the treasure package of pictures from my cousin. The women dressed in the headdresses and gowns of their native towns in Brittany, each one a little different. At times it takes a discerning eye to notice the subtle change from one community to another. No one smiles in the pictures of course; in former days it was not the proper etiquette. Not even at the big events, like weddings, when it is supposed to be the happiest days of your life. This is my family that stayed behind in France. I am a descendant of the branch that chose to look for another world, a new way, a better life. I guess, in a way, that seeking is still in my blood.

My mother, brother, and sister all live in the same area and it has been with me, the wanderlust, who never felt I quite long, and that seeking has led me here to God's country, to eternal beauty and seasons of whiteness, I live in the mountains where you feel a sense of one with nature.

My progress is not seeking a way of life of more but a life of simplicity and peace. A place where my spirit can come to life again and I feel drawn to see the old country and the part of my spirit that remain there.

09301991

A sunny day in the snow

The sun is out bright and beautiful today. The rain never came and the clouds have moved on. The phone too is in miraculous working order again. In the meantime, I found I could use my computer line if I needed to call out.

The birds are full of song today as if in appreciation of the warmth and the beauty around them. Some sitting on the very crest of the trees singing praises to God. Looking at the designs left in the snow as it melts is almost like looking at cloud formations and the unique patterns they make. I took a picture of an angel cloud at one time. Now I see what looks like a set of giant footprints, side-by-side, the heal and center region very clear as well as the toes. Amazing! More craters are forming in the snow, with the asphalt from my driveway showing through, and the rocks for my flower beds have begun to appear.

No more items temporarily frozen to the outdoor tables and not a need of a jacket or heavy boots today. I will be able to make a run to the dump in the post office without a problem and to get a registration sticker for my car. Possibly I even pick up that extra birdfeeder I was thinking about. I'm thinking of trying my hand at making some for houses for my feathered neighbors. I can even do some individual decorating for the inhabitants.

For exercise, today I cleared the snow from my lower decks with the aid of my new flat shovel. I did what I could to the stairs leading down to the back of the house but the ice dripping down from the roof has hardened a great deal so I'm only able to do the edges. If the sunshine continues tomorrow I will pursue the steps again. My shoulders and back limit how much I can achieve but I am proud to be the only woman on the block who does this much and I am the oldest as well.

I am grateful to be independent, to live in awareness and appreciation and to truly listen to my inner spirit. To seek always to be the authentic self I was created to be and to encourage others to grow in spirit. To be willing to truly listen, see, and to take time to just be at one with the universe and with God and to be grateful for each day as it comes.

09301992

Until another life

My dreams of travel, love,
owning and decorating a shop,
writing, collecting angels,
enjoying family & friends,
plants and a garden,
touching others in a meaningful way,
to be happy and share,
they've come to an end,
some came true, others
will have to wait....
until another life...

01121996

My Transition

Lost inside waiting
silent, and forgetting
the clock winds down
memories long gone
grown empty now
bring on my transition

01121996

Learning to Fly

I made contact with my angel
one night lost and wandering
she came to me in silence
to lead me back to the path
and show me the way ahead
then she touched my soul
that taught my spirit to fly

01111996

A Quiet Sunday

It's an overcast Sunday and looks like another storm is moving in it's an overcast Sunday looks like another storm is moving in. The clouds are heavy, hanging in the continuous, unbroken landscape overhead. The phone is out of order but I am able to drive into town and purchase a calling card, as I know my daughter Wisconsin will be worried. I was supposed to call or two days ago but due to circumstances beyond my control, I haven't been able to.

I do not mind being homebound as I have much here to do. I enjoy the ever-changing days. The trees are back to being green sentinels, having shed their coats of snow. More of my bushes are emerging day by day. I even uncovered one of my rockers on the front deck and enjoy my break time outdoors watching the many squirrels and birds that come to call. I haven't seen any rabbits since the first snowfall.

One or another of my cats has to come and lay on or as near to my books as they can while I am writing. I always have to nudge someone over or give a little stroker to with my other hand while logging my observations and experiences as well as feelings into my journal. Right now it's Mother Boots clamoring for attention. Crum is in the window keeping an eye on the squirrel on the front deck while Lil Bit gives himself a tongue bath on the couch. They've adjusted well to their new environment and the added attraction of our daily visitors gives them much to look forward to as well as great amusement. When they are bored a chase each other around the house or Bitsy requests a game of fetch.

Life here in God's country is never dull or lacking in a "need to do"as well as a continuous peacefulness. I had to move my clay pots as they were beginning to disintegrate in the dampness and I spend time outdoors "just being" and marveling at the gift of such beauty.

The quail have not made an appearance today. The one squirrel still chases off the birds that come to feed on the ground. I will have to purchase more birdfeeders to hang in the trees and refill the feeders that have become recently empty. I'm enjoying solitude in my magnificent view. Chili's on the menu tonight as it befits the weather and my palate. There's nothing like a quiet Sunday.

Ready to go

I'm tired
I've grown old
faced my fears
over the years
shed many tears
laughs too
made memories
to lose with time
stories once told
are mysteries
the faces I behold
just strangers
sadly, I'm ready to go

02001017

Supported

Prayer transports me
frees me along the way
when I'm lost it's there
to give me strength
and hold me up.....

03051996

Wonders

Miracles are wonders
God's gifts to us
in our times of need
when we can no longer
walk the road alone

12301991

A better person

My joys,
I've sought them out
when I could,
learning along the way,
to be a better person

01121996

Begin living

When we are at one with nature our consciousness expands. There is no us and them, no me, no you, just being. It's that simple, meaning fills us, we are complete, filled with spirit, as we were meant to be. Our searching comes to an end, and living begins.

02000917

The mountains

I feel privileged and blessed with view that I enjoy. The passing clouds, the singing birds, the wildlife that shares the mountains with me. It's as if I'm in heaven, above the fog that surrounds the world below. How magnificent is God's creation, how wonderful the mountains truly are.

02000917

My Supply

Money is not my supply, just a means. No person, place, thing, or condition is my supply either. My awareness, understanding, and knowledge of the all-providing Lord and His gifts to us is my supply. He is he truth I seek, and the love I need.

12191996