Wednesday, April 30, 2014

One Thought

Facing the unknown
in loneliness
questioning... fearing
controlling everyday interactions
like living in a vacuum
with one thought to keep
day in and out...
I am dying...


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Reach Out

an inevitable thing
for all of us
yet we protest
this final act... of life
as children
we think of death
as being suddenly... alone
without... anyone
or all the things
that were so important
to us...
hasty dream
nightmare calling
wake up and see
oh, can I?
the scariest part of all
was not being able
to tell my loved ones
that I was going away...
but I would show them
for never caring enough
hoping I would be
missed... but doubting so
imagining myself
apart from my surroundings
was nearly impossible
of togetherness... of feeling alone
was enough...
I felt so helpless
I grieved for all
that I felt... could have been
this attention... to one
I knew was dying
is a realization on my part
we are all
crying... for help
if we could only learn
to reach out


Monday, April 28, 2014

The sound of blood

The sound of blood
has me in a trance
death blooms from bud
carried from France
down to South America
planted in Canadian mud
transplanted to California
makes one last thud...


God show me how

God show me the way to help others. To teach them that you will lift them up when they are down, that things do work out according to your plan not in our time frame but when the time is right and only God knows that.

To understand when we release ourselves completely to His will is when He can move mountains in our life. For only when we release are we prepared to listen, to be guided, to stop holding on to the outcomes but understand that God knows what is best for us.

That through life's lessons He is teaching us and preparing us to do His work. We are like steel being forged in the fire, as He has different assignments for each of us the lessons themselves will be different for each of us. We cannot judge what is happening in our life to others.

When we concentrate on control we are too busy to appreciate, to see the beauty around us. God never deserts us, not even in our darkest hour. He reaches out to us in love and teaches us what we need to understand through love and patience.

It is we who are always in a hurry. Some lessons cannot be hurried because they are to teach us patience and how to slow down and truly see, to be in the now and appreciate each day as the gift it is.

When we learn to think of others we also are able to reach out beyond ourselves and our human problems. We can see things as if in a panoramic view. There is more than our own pain, our worry, our needs.

When we start caring about helping others we grow in spirit. God wants us to see the larger picture in life. It is needed now as never before in our society where people have lost their belief. Where there is so much violence and lack of hope.

If each of us can help even a few the world would be a much better place. Do not be afraid to reach out, expand your mind beyond your own daily cares and God will lift you up even higher that you may touch the spirit of others. Miss no opportunity to do this.


Sunday, April 27, 2014

Not now but soon

To meditate is to feel at peace. It helps us release all anxiety, thought, concerns and to just be in a state of openness that we may receive. It opens our senses that we see clearer the beauty around us and hear each bird song and notice them in flight across the deep blueness of the sky as well as white jet stream left in passing.

The trees are greener and we feel a part of all-that-is. We are not just in ourselves but in all things. In this state we can hear the messages of God more clearly for our spirit is open and we have a new knowingness. Let me serve you oh God.

Not yet, but soon, I will be one with my purpose. This is a time of patience as I wait in anticipation.


Saturday, April 26, 2014

Earth's Promises

The waters
quiet lakes
rushing rivers
thundering oceans
quench our thirsts
cool our bodies
giving food also
filling our need
for perfection
come feed
at my shores
the seasons
give us
a change of colors
the golden autumns
summer greens
winter whites
spring freshness
all gifts
free to our senses
how could one
be richer
earth's promises
for tomorrow
don't despoil
its beauty


Our Time Runs Out

I am dying, yes
each person's dealings
with the concept of death
are as individual
as they are...
but the weight of the enormity
of this final act
is shared by each one of us
in turn... our time runs out
most of us desire
a finish free of pain
and suffering...
I always felt... for myself
that the more I learned
the better able I would be
to cope with it
because of understanding
I found this not
to be true
as in losing love
and being told
death... for you... is at hand
the first gut reaction
is one of disbelief
"not me"
they must be mistaken!
it is unreal
as if in a dream trance
therefore we deny the truth
of its happening
though short lived..
following denial is anger
"why me?"
what have I done to deserve this?
gone are my wicked ways of youth
death, no, lost love, no
it's too soon
I have so much left
that I want to accomplish...
I'll find another love
and mend my heart too
oh, but this anger must be expressed
it is a natural feeling
of hostility and frustration
and so, with a dying breath
we spit on the world
as we expire...


Console the children

Reach out
from the grave
and say
I understand
if only... by touch
oh, death come
but, will someone
do this for my kids,
hold them in their pain?
for to contain grief
is like a time bomb
waiting to explode
like any other kind of stress
we all undergo
it effects the
organism as a whole
and must be treated
as such...
but grief of this magnitude
is an after fact...
unable to be consoled
often we wonder
what magnitudes
of feelings and fears
the dying experience
before being granted
that eternal peace...
it is an individual thing
each must endure
in their own fashion
it is a loneliness
all consuming...


Crystal Palace

My crystal palace of memory
lays broken and shattered
images floating by vaguely
torn, worn,and battered
as bits of the past haunt me


That first kiss

That first kiss
held no clue
of the future
perhaps heaven
or maybe hell
lingered on lips
so soft and sweet
and unwilling to tell


Friday, April 25, 2014

My garden memories

Sometimes we just need to put down the routine and take a day to just be. To sit by the ocean and watch the waves, to feed a bird or two and see dozens come and circle overhead begging for attention.

To look at the clouds and see the beauty that they create against the sky. To watch a wee squirrel munch on a salad of weed leaves, cupping them so gently in his hands.

To notice shapes and colors, sound and movement, the fresh smells, the salty breeze and feel a part of it all. To enjoy a meal with a friend and share their company and thoughts.

To take a slow walk and truly see what is around you and to count your blessings of this day, to treasure it without hurry or worry.

It is these times that feed the spirit and rejuvenate us. Time shared is always twice the blessing as it now only is a joy to you but to your companion also. It is a memory your create together.

I have so many memories of good times shared. They far outweigh the bad times, which rarely come to mind. Small pleasures true but how rich a treasure.

When I think of an iced mocha I can think back to times with my girls, friends and wonderful days. The sight of the ocean brings up many memories all the way back to childhood. They mean more than any things I've ever owned and I look forward to creating many more.... memories.


A new way to live

Honor all things; the plants, the animals, the stately trees, the birds, and each other - for we are all God's creations. We should spend less time worrying about petty issues and more time talking to God, listening and counting our blessings.

It is we humans that make life difficult, always in a hurry, stressed and  anxious to get the next project done, to meet the deadline, to be out at the stroke of five or work long into the night. And we call this living?

We are always hurrying our children to recitals, games, piano lessons, school or somewhere. Teaching them that life is a constant battle to be somewhere and filled with constant busyness.

When they do sit it is planted in front of the T.V. filled with action and violence. Is this truly the life we want to live? Most of us work at jobs we dislike but are afraid to make a change fearing financial insecurity.

We don't take time for a break or lunch fearing we will get further behind. We go in on weekends to try to catch up but never really do. We have forgotten why we're here and don't see that there is a larger purpose to our life until we're jolted away by some calamity or job loss, illness or a sudden inspiration where we ask God "is this really where I'm supposed to be?" and He answers us, and usually very quickly.

When we start asking we start receiving answers. For God knows we are finally ready to listen, to ask for guidance, and to accept a new way of living. He has a way of slowing us down so that so may see, of giving us what we need that we may believe.

He sends us the teachers we need that we may learn and provides us with the abundance we need to get us through until He reveals our new path to us that we may serve Him in the capacity we were meant to. He teaches us awareness, appreciation, and love, patience and understanding and faith. Then we truly live.


Thursday, April 24, 2014


Memories are like plants, you take a seed like an idea, plan or plant and watch the results blossom into creation. Like the sunflower of a daughter, or the sweet pea of another daughter, or the lone tree of a son. These are the days we will share. You're the garden I've planted, and how lovely you do grow, along with the memories we share.


Make haste

We crawled along the ledge
looking down at the future
we decided to make in haste
our dreams no longer had wings


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Void of grey

My treasure fades away
my chest of memories
more empty each day
things once called happy
fallen into a void of grey


All glows golden

My canvas I fill with angels, and paper is given wings.
Songs take shape from whispers of the soul, and all glows golden.


Waiting to sail

We sat on the shores
of dreams and imagination
waiting to sail away
and set ourselves free


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A girl's transition

The journey began
when we parked
by the lake...
the wild unknown
innocence left behind


Nothing to chase

Let your dreams die
and you've got nothing
no tomorrow to chase


Out of town

Surprised again,
far away caught me
thinking of you
I cut my trip short
to hurry back home
only to find
you'd made plans
while I was out of town
now a bottle comforts
while I try to forget
why I'm heading
out of town, again


Monday, April 21, 2014

Change is unfolding

I have experienced a change in my life it is true and I myself have changed. I do not worry as much about the outcome of things but leave them in God's hands. I live in greater awareness and strive daily for greater inner knowledge that I may grow in spirit.

I try to do the best that I can in all things that I endeavor and to be a good example to others. I touch the hearts of many that they too may seek an inner knowing. When I meditate I feel my spirit expanding and I see a brightness lighting my inner being and I am aware it comes from the Divine.

I am being led to where I do not know but I have faith in my Divine teacher that in the right time He will lead me to the right place, doing whatever I am meant to do to make a small difference in the world.

I release fear for it has no place in my life now and cannot travel hand in hand with faith. God knows what He is doing, where He is leading, and the purpose of the journey even if I do not.

I am changed, yet I am still me. Only a me that sees now with eyes of wonder the same world I did not see in such great clarity before. All my senses have reached a degree of higher acuity. It is not magic but it is wondrous just the same.

Now I feel as if I live in the world but not of the world I used to. Sometimes I feel as if I am living in a state of animated suspension these last two years and more.

One day I asked God a question and my whole world changed and yet I live in the same place, sit on the same patio, see the same view. Now though it is as if all things speak back to me in my awareness and day by day I am evolving through God's guidance.

I am free of so much that burdened my mind and my life and yet I am still here, still me. He answered and yet beyond that is patience, is learning, is mystery, is wait-and-see what may come to be. God is not through with me yet, but is leading me into a new life which has yet to begin, but is unfolding.


Sunday, April 20, 2014


I've slowed much
in thought and deed
marching backward
through memory
where blessings lurk
dusty corners so still 
like ghosts and shadows
building voids to fill


Each passing year
leaves me waiting
in tender mercy
and falling tears
for salvation to come

Open yourself to God

We must learn to let go for we are not in control but God is. Just as mothers we must learn to let go as our children grow. We can only do our best in all situations and have faith in the right outcome. We can teach by example, by setting boundaries, and by establishing good communications.

That is required in our own spiritual growth as well as in parenting, and at time we ourselves are directed to become  as children. Part of this is to see things with wonder. To be aware of the smallest things. To see not just the tree but each leaf, each twig and not just the branches.

Our children too are our outgrowths of not only our teaching but life's lessons as well. We can only experience for ourselves but we can learn from the children to see life in the grander capacity that it is. To overlook nothing. To take time to play and to just be. To laugh often and to skip and dance just for the joy of it.

Love to learn. Be open to new experience. Have trust in the Father and in the experiences of life. That they are means of growth and not punishments. Ask "what can I learn?" "What are you wishing to teach me, Oh God?" We are never too old for life changes.

To live, to love, to grow, to share, and to become a child in faith. God does provide. He cradles us in the palm of His hand and holds us close to His heart. The more open we are, the more willing, the more we are able to receive, to hear, to experience and to know.

Learn to seek, to as and to listen to the answers God sends. Learn to count your blessings and include each day as a gift of God's glory in all its magnificence. There are so many more things God wants to show us, a new life of possibilities, a new path leading to places we may have only wondered about.

Enlightenment is a great gift and all we have to do is open our spirit. Here God, here I am. Let me be willing to see what you want me to see and learn what you want me to learn and server however I can serve you. Amen!


Saturday, April 19, 2014

Hard Times

You're in the wind
with no wings or cape
broken in pieces
just a fading sun
hard times wait ahead


Friday, April 18, 2014

Why I called

You crossed my mind
so I called to say hi
but forgetting why
when you answered...


Thursday, April 17, 2014

Washed Away

A cast away
lost forever
dreams gone
washed away
again, just me


A daughter's birthday

You're still my miracle
well past a rough start
strong now, not fraile
all smiles and good cheer
with warm and loving heart
oh, so lovely and dear


Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Lost, once again

Pray with great meditation.
Don't look to your watch
marking off the time
allow yourself to be led
follow the grace of God
and not the concerns
of a world lost,
once again


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

On a whim

On a whim
the winds come
to take us
to lands of chance
where dreams
of two are one


Monday, April 14, 2014


Strings we hold
and hold us too
to make us move
in moving others
with fate's whims


Sunday, April 13, 2014

Hide Away

Run into the woods
and hide away again
shelter waiting there
where we left our fear


Saturday, April 12, 2014

road to someday

Abandoned without restriction
to defy all obstacles and anguish
on a road leading to someday
that was paved long long ago
by thousands of dreams....


Oh Death

Oh death, let me pray
before you come today
to take my soul away


Friday, April 11, 2014

Blue Notes

Ivory dreams
of broken melodies
played between
every blue note
until the dawn
drives my loneliness
away from me


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Let's grow old

Let's grow old
stoned with forgetfulness
grinning with emptiness
another dream sold
in spitefulness


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The demise

And so it comes
to an end of sorts
we went all the way
and broke at last
like all things in time
the demise always
sitting, and waiting


Tuesday, April 8, 2014


Tuesday, we had once
and then it was gone
like the trust between us


Monday, April 7, 2014

Return again

Toss my ashes to the wind
let them float far away
in time to return again...


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Phase Two

Fear fades with years
the unknown more too
welcomed in phases
of what will surely be


Saturday, April 5, 2014

So unkind

Once we knew
but forgot, love
and names
and faces
over time
oh, so unkind


Friday, April 4, 2014

In the wings

France awaits in dreams
for days and years it seems
always there in the wings


Not to be

We found a reason
not to be at all
just so we didn't
have to try...


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Remaining Days

The key was lost
along the way
much forgotten too
so, we stumbled along
left to pick and choose
all our remaining days


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Self Truth

Many times we lie to ourselves even though we are unaware we are being internally untruthful. We may say we are ready for a lifetime commitment or marriage when we are not. Our spirit then is in conflict and the strongest truth, though subconsciously, wins out. How?

By attracting to ourselves those that will serve that truth through their unwillingness to make a commitment.  Some may even say thy are but their actions speak the truth even though verbally they may say what they think you are wanting to hear.

Look into their eyes. It is the window of the soul. You will see the truth there but you must be willing to look and not misinterpret what you want to see.

That is why we must be willing to search our heart and do our homework so that we may live in the truth and in full awareness of the messages we send to others. Otherwise we keep repeating the patterns unconsciously and wonder why we keep attracting those that bring the same similar experience to us.

We must be willing to look at our own pain. The blocks and barriers we put up that are preventing our getting what we say we want. What energy are we putting out that attracts the negative energy is like a magnet. It draws to us what we are subconsciously seeking.

In order to change the pattern we must change the energy. We can only do this by recognizing and releasing. By giving ourselves permission to attract and accept the love and happiness we deserve in life.

What fears do we have over the issue? Are we afraid of losing the freedom that we value? Is it a rejection from your childhood? A broken home and the trauma your psyche experienced and the fear that the same thing might happen to you?

It is not easy seeking the truth that you have been hiding from your conscious self  but it is the only way to heal and to live the truth you consciously seek and to find peace.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Growing Consciously

To become conscious is to become responsible. You realize through your consciousness that your actions affect not only you but others and as this awareness grows so does your consciousness in all that you do.

In all of your decisions, in the way that you live. You realize that you spirit reflects in your attitude which others are attuned to. Feelings themselves create energy.

So in this consciousness you work to release the negativity such as fear and anger from your life and replace it with faith, love, peace, awareness. And when you do, not only do the people around you, but the universe itself responds in kind.

When you give up fear over your finances, for example, and stop feeling that you or your work are the source of your economy, you open the door to the abundance of the universe and you start receiving from sources you never even considered before.

When you start believing you can accomplish learning a new trade for example, instead of doubting your abilities, you open a window and your spirit to accept that personal growth.

Consciousness teaches us that what you believe you receive. You have stopped closing the door with your doubts and fears and opened the window to new possibilities to enter.

Your life becomes a thing of joy and wonder that affects not only your but those around you. When you think different and act different you become a new an different, more expanded, loving person.

When you give up fear you no longer feel you must clutch desperately holding onto what you have, but learn to share that abundance with others. You want to share the joy you are feeling and to teach others the power of spiritual living. Consciousness becomes not a way of attaining, but a way of living and giving.