Monday, December 31, 2012

This isolation

This isolation,
once my sanctuary,
and my salvation,
steals my memory,
is now my damnation


Mystery Ending

Each day
begins filled with possibility
Each life too
How they end is the mystery


What we learn

Our journey requires
us to take steps...
Our destinations
not always a choice
What we learn
along the way
is all ours


Love is still the answer

There is no point in going on
to what?
But eventually, as the wounds heal
you resign yourself to what is
you deny what once was
and return to healing places
you once knew together
remembering only the good...
Eventually you get over it
each in their own way
and you hope to find something,
someone, to replace your loss
You find friends and loved ones
are still there
still caring...
and he or she becomes as a dream
and you feel safe within your shell
your run from attachments
thinking you have found freedom,
but there's no room for dedication,
nor kindness, if you forget
that Love is still the answer


Sunday, December 30, 2012

Human Nature

Violence and fear,
year after year,
man's nature is clear


Time just dulls the pain

I think of this past summer
it was when time stopped for me
I don't get past this time
cannot accept it, or get used
to this change.  It is not
a normal sorrow.  I keep
thinking it need to have
happened, it's as though
all my bones are sticking out
and cannot be covered.
Time just dulls the pain,
but it's still there.


Saturday, December 29, 2012

To my angels

Awaken us in truth,
and renew our faith,
each and every day


Time rolls ahead

All the pieces of a new year
spread about like a puzzle
waiting to come together


Nothing like the sea

I feel like a lover near the sea
it is all so beautiful...
to watch each swell rise
and crash and kiss the shore
It's an intimacy of feeling...
Nothing like the sea gives me this
feeling anymore... save the
weight in my heart of the bliss
I once shared with you...

02620000 - 10071976

Friday, December 28, 2012

Everything is better

The difference between your world
when in love... is everything is better.
It all seems the same from the outside,
but suddenly, everything's better.
The world seems brighter,
the sun shines on you more,
and the moon waxes silver shadows,
for no others... everything smells
sweeter, the flowers, all nature...
The fruit is much crisper to your
senses... you can be more generous
to those around you... everything
is just that much better... because
of love... so you know you're there.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

Christmas Died

Christmas died with the economy
no more presents, no more tree
only my cats for company
Christmas died with my memory


My lover the sea

The sea is my lover
he opens his arms of wet warmth and foam
and beckons me to him
calling me home
to the billowing sound of the surf and tide
to the smell of the salt air
the call of the gulls overhead
and the sand where
it meets the water
exchanging its granules for seaweed and shells
and in the stillness of a fog
the eerie sound of the bells
tolling to the boats that go by
a warning cry from the sea
the protective arms of the sea lover
keeping us safe but free
engulfing the rocks
and making them barnacled and fed on slime
baked by salty water
and changed into brine
the sea so alive with creatures
and colored by nature's hand
never the same... always changing
we cannot understand
all the mysteries he stays
this wet sea wonderland
I'm cradled and rocked
released and set free
drawn to him endlessly
my lover... the sea.


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Winter Has Come

Winter has arrived with its sense of chill in the air, clouds low hanging and filled with the promise of moisture and maybe snow upon the hills.  It is a brisk day for sure.

Time to break out the heavy socks and sweatshirts, for warm fires and hot soups.  It seems to have come suddenly, as if only last month it was summer still.

Winter is a good time for reading and thinking.  Inner thoughts seem to go with being indoors more.  Bundling up with a good book and soft music.  Hot chocolate and a cozy cat for company.

Some people seem to dread winter but I have always found it peaceful and renewing.  Long walks with warm coats and mittens, your breath steaming from the cold, your nose a little frost bitten while your spirit feels exhilarated and refreshed.

Its a time to collect pine cones and fresh branches to bring indoors.  To add the scent of fresh baked bread and cinnamon cookies.  Chestnuts and spiced cider.

Its a time to listen to choral music and to count your blessings.  For friendship, family gatherings, and rainfall.  For thoughts of family and memories.  To look through old photo albums and reminisce.  To put the bulbs away until next spring along with the inflatable pool, shorts, and tank tops.

I love to sit on on my patio still, especially when the rain is softly falling and the breeze gently blowing.  To feel a part of nature.  To watch the clouds gather and the sun set.

Winter seems almost magical.  To build a fire after you've been tramping in the snow and to huddle around it to gather warmth and to bring out the thermos to warm you inside out.

Winter is the time of holidays, of thanksgiving, of sharing, of singing and caroling.  Of Christmas lights and new year's cheer.  Children on Santa's knee, and Silent Night and Ave Maria.  Of promises to be good and a list of toys in childhood.  It always fills me with delight.  Each brisk day, or winter night.  Filling me with gratitude for all God's wonder that He bestows upon us.


The years ahead

The years ahead,
fewer than those behind,
each day counting more
than ever before...


If I had a window

I imagine I had a window,
and dream about what my view would be,
blue skies, clouds and trees,
that's what I'd surely see,
if I had a window....


Friends are God's gift

Some meetings are part of our destiny, while others are like ships passing in the night.  More than 30 years ago while attending adult school, myself and 2 others formed a friendship.  One was destined to be my sister of choice and the other drifted away in a short time.

One of my best friends I have never met.  Almost 40 years ago I answered a request for a pen pal in a magazine.  We still write, still share our deepest thoughts, we have been close in geography a few times but fate has kept us from a face to face encounter.  And yet, it has not dimmed our friendship.

God has brought me in touch with those on a spiritual journey parallel to mine.  We listen to and encourage each other, recommend books or programs, pray together, and for many others.  Some I have known for years and yet we were never close.  Not even friends but more acquaintances, until God brought us together.

I know that all who are in my life are meant to be in my life.  Some just to flutter through and others to bond.  Each has something to teach me, or a message that will make a difference.  I try to be open to listen now, that I may better hear.  To truly be aware, that I may better see.  And to be filled with gratitude for all those who not only cross my path but those who come into my life, they are gifts from God.

When we reach out, we also teach.  When we take time to truly share our inner thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs and our soul. we connect.  It is important to remember we are examples of what we learned and what we choose to practice.  We can be a shining light of hope, of love, of faith, of giving, we must be conscious of our actions, of what we say or leave unsaid.

To open our hearts and embrace others, to be in the spirit and give generously in love is to truly be a friend.  We must always remember to acknowledge and repay the kindness we receive and always be grateful.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Not a penny

When we arrived in New York Ctiy
it was snowing, hard, cold
not a penny in our pockets
We needed shelter, not pity...


Once is enough

If Mae didn't get it right this time,
she surely didn't want to do it again,
she cursed her son's silly notions of reincarnation...


A long walk in the wild

I am a child
as I once was before
in awe and wonderment
that age has restored
to ashes I soon return
and so soon ends my journey
a long walk in the wild


Love is the meaning

Love is the gift that gives meaning to life.


Monday, December 24, 2012

When the dead speak

Gertrude insisted that she'd just gotten off the phone with her mother,
what could Herald do but acquiesce, perhaps the dead do speak...


Cold urn of ashes

She held the cold urn of ashes,
all that remained of her mother,
Susan wondered if she should cry...


Beds of money

Eleanor's dead body was removed quickly,
and new sheets were thrown on the bed...
all made ready quickly, for the next fading body,
beds were money at the senior facility...


Ghosts on the line

Conversations across time
ghosts on the line
as surely grapes on the vine


Sunday, December 23, 2012

No more reminders

To Susan her mother had become a card for her birthday,
and another for Christmas along with obligatory phone call.

If she didn't have to send a monthly check to the senior facility,
Susan's mother didn't really exist any longer.

Susan waited for these little things to stop.  No more reminders,
no more things to do.


Keep on the path

We must not lose sight of our dreams or stray too far from the path we are destined to be on, lest we not accomplish what we are here to do.

We can get sidetracked with things of unimportance an postpone what we know we should be doing and at times receive reminders, especially in our dreams, not to waste time on that which is of no value.

To get back on track, take heed as the angels are speaking to your unconscious.  You have something to do that will make a difference even if you cannot see its significance at the time.  God knows and wants you to succeed.

Each day is important in the evolution of your growth.  Live it consciously.  Give time to God, time to gratitude and time to forward your path through divine guidance.  Ask God what you can accomplish this day before beginning.  He will lead you in the right direction step by step along the path, bringing to your attention whatever is necessary to succeed.  That may take the form of a course to take, books to read, a lecture to attend, or any other knowledge you will need to attain.

Trust in the synchronicity through which you receive it.  Trust in the still small voice that speaks to you and in your dreams that increase your awareness.  Listen for the messages that are sent to you and any signs you may encounter along the way.

God has a plan for you, trust in him and all will be time.  We cannot see what is at the end of the path but God can.  We cannot see what is just around the bend but God knows.  What he asks of us is to follow where he has led us and to have faith.  In the meantime he will provide the abundance that is necessary to accomplish what we've be sent here for.

Faith gives us all the strength we need to encourage us along the way.  Each one of us are important to God.  We are his children and He, like all parents, wants the very best for us.  Put your faith and trust in Him and all will be well.



To you I gave
what youth I had
left it behind
a lover's gift
you gave me guilt
and hurt
eyes mirrored of pain
throbbing in my head
you opened and closed
so many doors
women come and go
through them
an escalator ride
through your life
stopping only briefly
a pause...
then on their way
you take from them
what you need
climbing atop
the nebulous of them
to inject anesthesia
shot through your turgid organ
leaving them aged
and torn...
always in need
to feed more
legs open and close
your dance of love
the paramour of lust
drinking youth
through sexual exercise
like a parasite feeding
on its host....
pawns in your grasp
fed on hummingbird tongues
and the eyes of yaks....
one by one
you use them up
with the stamina of a bull
hunger filling your loins
with endless nights
of feeding
my palingenesis
prince of pain


Saturday, December 22, 2012

Over the cliff

Politicians call it a gift,
as they push us over the cliff


Live today in gratitude

The holiday seasons are times for remembering others, past times, precious memories.  They are a time for giving and receiving in the spirit of love, not in overindulgence.

It is a time to get together with those you care about and a time to express what is in your heart.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we didn't wait for holidays to be in contact more often.  To let those we profess to care about know how we feel.  To help the needy more often.  To be open hearted, to be part of a true community.  To share.  To celebrate the life we have been given.

Gratitude teaches us to be more aware of our blessings, instead of dwelling on our hardships.  It opens the door to receive and leads to greater abundance.  In the state of gratitude nothing is taken for granted, each small blessing is noted. Even those that do not appear to be blessings at the time.

We wait to see what they may reveal to us in time.  My life now consists of events, that in fear, I thought were disasters, but in reality led me to a new direction, a stronger spirit, a vitality and peace I did not previously possess.

Now I know to release my rigid expectations to to be open to the blessings that will arrive in time and on time.  God loves to give and when we are open to receive we find that he blesses us with abundance. 

He reveals to us a path of joy and new learning.  To greater experiences and a discovery of hidden talents or those we have been afraid to nurture because we thought there was security in the job and rut we were in.

The only security is in faith.  In allowing God to lead us to our higher purpose, and in living life in a state of gratitude and awareness.  Then each day can be a season of giving, of loving, of commitment, of counting our blessings, of remembering to stop and smell the roses, and keeping in contact with others, of taking time, remembering what's important, and feeling grateful.


We're never alone

Life is precious, a gift of joy.  It is not something we must struggle through each day, but embrace fully.  We have a choice in how to experience our life but often times we neglect to recognize that.

We feel locked into jobs, relationships, a way of life that are often painful to us.  We can begin to change that by changing the way we perceive things.

When we realize we can always choose differently, we cease to feel so imprisoned.  We think that our job cannot function with us.  When truly that is not "our job".  It is not the purpose we were sent here for.

Maybe the fact that we are so unhappy in our present situation is a sign to us that we no longer belong in that place, at this time.

When we are on the path where we belong, it is not necessarily easier, but we have a sense of fulfillment, of truth in our life.  A sense of right, purpose in what we are doing.  We think we can't do otherwise, but we can.

How do we know whether we should let go?  Ask God!  He's waiting, he will answer, and he will provide all that you need to succeed.

What we experience when we feel we cannot go forward, make a change, choose again, is fear.  False evidence assumed or appearing real.  Look again!  Let your inner voice, which is the Holy Spirit, be your guide.  Learn to quite your mind so that you may hear more clearly.

The angels too will answer.  Call on them for their support.  There are even angels who specialize, tasked to guide.  Seek them out.  We do not need to struggle alone, and the truth is we never are alone.

We only feel that way when we do not recognize, seek, or listen to the spiritual guidance available to us.  Seek and you'll find.  Knock and the door will be opened to you.  And who is it that answers our call but God himself in his divine love.


Her final comfort

Eleanor passed away
alone in bed
a morphine drip
her final comfort



What is love about?  Is it a necessity we think we need to fulfill us or an acceptance of our own being?  How can we learn to love others unconditionally until we learn to love ourselves that way?  First we must learn to acknowledge that we were created only in love because it is the Divine that gave us life and purpose and the divinity is pure, unconditional in love.

This love is unfathomable, endless, without boundaries or restrictions for who we are, without modifications.  Why do we have such difficulty accepting that?  How we accept the ability to be loved unconditionally affects the relationships we develop in life.

Ours have become a world of always judging ourselves and others as worthy or unworthy, scorecards in our hands.

God's love just is.  It just exists without the necessity of our needing to earn it,pay for it, accomplish something worthy of it.  Like God, it just is, always was, and aways will be.

Learning about love is part of life, of our existence, our purpose in being here, of your spiritual growth, our self examination.  We need to learn to give love without attachments as well as accept it that way.

We need to take time to just be, to quiet our minds so that we may hear, feel, and become the love that exists within us.  It breathes along with us.  We exhale it in giving, and inhale it in receiving.  It is part of all that is.

In spirit, the angels speak it to us and embrace us in the love divinely sent.  All things from God are for our highest good.  God wants only the best for us, and yet we entangle ourselves through judgment believing we are not worthy.

And thus we leave this abundance of love on the table, unable to accept it for what it is, unconditional.


A love once true

Deep in the woods,
where the ice glows blue,
a mighty pine once stood,
fallen now, like a love once true


Love is a weed

You never really believed in me
in what I was
or how I felt deep down
I wounded you somehow
like a thorn in the side
now I sing the song
you never sang for me
of birds wings and butterflies
and freedom to love
but you have to try
life without love is a monotone
of events and days
overlapping each other
I am the weed in your garden
they are harder sometimes
than the flowers
carefully planted there
and tended lovingly
and keep coming back
however much
you cast them off


Friday, December 21, 2012

Winter is here

Cold and gray
Winter is here
Praise this day


Love is not discreet

Love is not discreet
it is as a latchless door
blowing in the wind
I remember well that trip
it started out so beautifully
and before the pain
of your going
there was something else
the awful feeling
of being ground and crushed
until only pulp
was all that was left
of body, heart and soul


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Make Meaning

Make meaning not with words,
but with many deeds,
just as flight distinguishes birds,
from fields of weeds...


Circles of love

Circles of love
bread to the wind
light from above
the day begins


Naked Love

Far better to be humiliated
exposing love to its nakedness
to the very elements we fear
than to walk away
there's no triumph
in losing love


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The gift of love

Boxes of diamonds and gold,
are no repleacement for love,
joy a gift not bought and sold,
something the world needs more of...


Soul Survival

I have lived too much
...this past year.
Loved too deeply...
Endured more sorrow
It's as though all things
...were intensified.
Like a giant neon light
...glowing overhead
My heart can't live
it hasn't such endurance...
for the soul of me to survive.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Impending Disaster

The fabric of society
is thin and threadbare...
This is the recepie
of impending disaster..


The Parting

I remember when we parted
me with my tears,
more than broken-hearted
I'd loved you for years.
It's been quite a while
since I've tasted your kiss
or watched your eyes smile
and basked in their bliss.

I had known it was ending
from so many a small sign
but it had just been beginning
your love and mine.
My life is now shattered
but my love doesn't die
so what has it mattered
that your love was a lie?

Your face comes before me
and your voice to my ear
brings back visions I still see
of memories so dear.
Others seemed to know
of us much too well
I think it is so
you just had to tell.

We furtively met
when all quit our leave
how easily you forget
and cause me to greave.
If in the future I should meet you
after some years
should I pretend I never knew,
you, the cause of my tears?


Monday, December 17, 2012

The gift of memories

You can't put a ribbon on a memory,
they're something you make with love and care,
and the best presents you can give, happily...


A Solitary Christmas

A single string of lights
on an old plastic tree
blink through the night
reminders of what used to be


Moments, so few

This agony has been going on
for so long now..
When am I going to stop
loving him?... How
can I ever be the happy
person I once was?
He left me drowning in my
own pool of love... Does
he ever think of me... Do
I come into his mind?
Do his thoughts during
the day.... find
their way back to me and
all we had been?
And if his thoughts so trail
this way... does he think of when
we can be together again?
A time for us two...
to love and be loved... our
moments have been so few...


Sunday, December 16, 2012

Media Cancer

The news media
nothing but a cancer
upon society it feeds
stories of horror and anger
our dying soul thus bleeds


Conficts of life

We struggle in ranks,
trying to get our voices heard,
while our vices prevail...
such are the conflicts of life


Saturday, December 15, 2012

Building Better Tomorrows

We see your lips move,
but your words have no meaning...
hollow, going where the wind blows
You offer no comfort,
shallow and self-serving
ignoring our suffering...
We're just votes to you,
a means to power...
Be gone, we've work to do
building better tomorrows...


The Shadows of Sinfulness

All the pieces for a new world
lay scattered about, a jumbled mess
trying to find order, we must be bold
and move out of the shadows of sinfulness


Burdens of grief

Take comfort in the tears of others,
and know they truly care...
these burdens of grief, anguished mothers
your tragedy we all share...


The future unblemished

Children live
in realms of infinity,
they are the answers,
the future unblemished


At one

In prayer,
I'm at one,
with all that is...


Oh mountain high

Oh mountain high and proud
how could they treat you so
building houses in your crevices
destroying beauty as they go
they don't appreciate your majesty
somehow people will never know
enough to enjoy just what is there
the gifts God did bestow...


Friday, December 14, 2012

Sacrificial Offerings

Trees make sacrificial offerings,
leaves to autumn winds,
in preparation of winter...


An approaching winter

Purified by the falling snow,
and the silence of the night...
The mircle of an approaching winter...


Budget Talks

False smiles and snake eyes,
once more a nation held hostage,
to grandstanding and lies...



We both fought each other
neither would yield
never reaching
an impasse
but we were stupefied
with pleasure... together
fragile with hope
it was a hell of a price to pay
but we venerated
each other...
Can you ever
completely forget
an experience like ours?


Thursday, December 13, 2012

It's not you

It's not you, it's me,
can't you see?
You and I can no longer be...


A day to write

Snow fell through the night,
blanketing the mountain in white,
a good reason to stay in and write.


One more anomaly

I have no bearing
I have no name
one more anomaly
not the same
unnumbered among
the crowd of many
unnoticed... left alone
to walk my life
no love... no union
I can call my own
the ache in my groin
unquenchable in desire
for him who left me
long ago... buried in the mire
unravel... my ends
the price has been paid
in pain and anguish
you'll find them frayed...
I'm still licking my wounds
unhealed, betrayed
alone, vanquished
love lost to time
with fading mind
I sit and wish
I'd been different
but alas
I was just an anomaly....


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Unconditional Commitment

Ted thought about rock climbing, but it would take a leap of faith to give it a try....  Beer and football were so much more meaningful.  Everything else was absurd.


Magnificent is love

magnificent is love...



Until death takes me...
I live with the lie someone said
that time will heal my wounds
knowing some sores grow and spread
widening chasms of hurt....
Insomnia is my nightly companion
and tranquilizers my daily crutch
and loneliness an emptiness
to fill the void of my soullessness


Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Waves bring me comfort,
watching them roll to shore...
Nature my solace and support,
my soul is nourished and restored...


New meaning

Ted was certain life would take on a new meaning after he ate something... He'd missed breakfast.


The day begins

My spirit is enriched by the beauty of the landscape. I never tire of the glorious mountains, the endless trees, the wildlife, God’s daily gifts and blessings. I do not wish to rush the seasons by wishing for spring when winter is upon us but to savor the gifts of today, each day. Each is unique in its own glorious presence. There are no repetitions but new joys to behold. Each day is a fresh canvas waiting to be painted with what we are open to experience. We can choose how to see it, what colors and mediums to use; just as we choose our own outlook on life despite the hardships we may endure.


Storehouse of Moments

Does he know
I still remember him
so vividly
I sleepwalk
through life
my mind a storehouse
of moments
caught in time
leaping into reality
of unexpected
his touch was the only thing
that ever
shut the world out
for me...
I think he know
this intensity
of feeling
scared me
yet racing ahead
without blinders
I searched the depths
of him
finding only
an empty well...


Monday, December 10, 2012

Take nothing for granted

Henry never appreciated Edna,
always taking her for granted,
until that fateful day....
there He was begging her to call 911,
pleading with her, while lying on the floor...
Henry promised to make it all up to her,
Edna turned and walked out the door...


Fields of gold

It was a sight to behold,
elves crossing fields of gold...


Holes in the past

This road I'm on bothers me,
sudden lapses of memory,
holes in the past a mystery...


Hope isn't waiting

The road we're on, failure
hope isn't waiting there...


A canvas of words

A canvas of words
painted by brushes
of imagination
an endless world
of possibilties


Prince of Pan

The paramour of lust
drinking youth
through sexual exercise
like a parasite feeding
on its host
pawns in your grasp
fed on hummingbird tongues
and the eyes of yaks
one by one
you use them up
with the stamina of a bull
hunger filling you loins
with endless nights
of feeding
my palingenesis
prince of pan


Sunday, December 9, 2012

God's Tears

Have you ever thought about the rain,
just what it could be.
Is it only the moisture in the air,
or it it God's tears for you and me.

When we have hurt God by sin,
by the human things we do.
I like to think the rain that cleans
are God's tears for you and me.

He is hurt by the wrong we do
and because he loves us so much
it causes his tears to fall to earth
and gives us a little of himself to touch.

Only He could create the rain
to wash the ground and fill the sea...
and because he loves his children so much,
the rain is God's tears for you and me.


Saturday, December 8, 2012

ghosts whisper in the breeze

In the mountain of superstition,
fear takes the shape of trees...
while the slowly sun sets,
and ghosts whisper in the breeze


Waking Liberty

The sculptor
molds visions
as the heavens thunder
freed with precision
liberty wakes from slumber


On wings of truth

On wings of truth,
you take celestial flight,
protectors since youth,
An Angel's salvation our right...


Angels guide me

Remembering I'm not alone,
even in darkness Angels guide me,
and in the end take me home....


Messengers of the divine

Ghosts walking by,
these spirits of the dead,
they're waiting
for messengers of the divine...
Oh come yea Angels,
take them home...


Garden of dreams

When Edna learned to let go,
she became a rose in bloom...
Watching her garden of dreams grow...


We still have the scars

We were married,
but never close...
Suffering from wounds
that we couldn't share...
Raw and exposed,
we fell apart, in anger...
Decades of never mending,
we still have the scars...


Our Heavy Burden

Milton spelled it out,
Paradise had been lost,
of that there's no doubt,
our heavy burden the cost....


Earth Bound

We chased after truth
like it was our purpose...
thinking it would bring order
and put the heavens in harmony...
but like angels with no wings
we were earth bound in misery...


This could be ours

The earth
opens up
a universe
of sights to all
if we would but
open our eyes
to see
The wind to cool
moving, touching
better than
any air conditioner
it gives us
a feeling of freedom
The animals
of life
we must learn
They have
and beauty...
Like the grace
of birds
all this
could be ours...


Friday, December 7, 2012

When wells run dry

I went to the well to quench my thirst,
to my surprise, the well was dry,
parting my parched lips to curse,
and looking up, rain clouds filled sky...


Careening off track

Work isn't just about money,
but we've forgotten that...
Once a land of milk and honey,
now careening off track...


Speak in truth

Don't be judgmental.  We don't know the truth about how someone else really feels.  They may be expressing anger whey they are really in a state of fear.

They may be struggling for iindependence and feel that your love is smothering them.  Again it may be a desire for freedom and fear of the unknown.

Change can be frightening, and certain periods of or life are filled with uncertainty and confusion.  We think we know what we want but are not sure of the hows or the ability to attain it.  So we stay in the safe harbor and express our resentment for it.

Life is choice and facing our fears and overcoming them one step at a time.  We generally strike out at those we love most because we feel a sense of safety in that love to express ourselves.

Unfortunately when we are not in truth we cause pain instead of understanding.  Instead of saying this is what I'm feeling we criticize inappropriately.

Our anger creates more anger and the truth gets lost in the exhibition of emotionalism.  Then, instead of a cooling off period we pick at the scabs of our emotional wounds to justify our pain.

We refuse to let a healing take place and wonder what went wrong and why we are alone.  We keep it alive until a chasm is created that is almost impossible to cross.

Love is precious, and should be, unconditionally.  That does not mean we should accept abuse, only that we release the person in the most loving way possible and allow the lines of communication to remain open if we want to continue a relationship, in some form, with the other person.

We don't need to express what we are feeling in anger, only in truth.  We don't not need to take responsibility for anothers choices and we need to release those we love in order that they may move on in their path, and we in ours.  And if those paths merge into one, so much the better.


Thursday, December 6, 2012

Struggles and Strains

It was the economy the drove a wedge between us,
we did the rest, succumbing to our struggles and strains...


Drifting Down

Let me return
to a period in my life
when the whole world
revolved around love,
happiness to be with one
I cared so deeply for
even before the involvement
we laughed as two children
delighted at our discovery
one brief moment
a skyrocket
blossoming in the darkness
into silver wings
drifting down
and down...
down to now.


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Right in front of me

It strikes me from time to time
that love truly is blind
and it's so hard to see
what's right in front of me


Lands of myth

What good are dreams,
if there's no one so share them with...
Illusions bursting at the seams,
crumbling roads in lands of myth...


Our Differences

We couldn't mend our fences,
or rebuild burnt bridges,
too great were our differences...


Arms to hold me

The prospect of freedom
meant so much less
than arms to hold me


The Secret Wells

I must travel the ends of my life
to see what else it holds
more joy, grief, pain, experience
as it slowly develops and unfolds
I must walk the precipice
trying to find the secret wells of me
the depths of which I have not traveled
for then I shall be free


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Things once had names

The small things
once had names
some evoked feelings
all forgotten, it's plain...


Float with the wind

Dreams are like feathers,
that float with the wind,
they come and go,
no beginning or end...


Battle with grace

Judy combed her hair with pride,
before putting it on and going outside,
the cancer wasn't going to make her hide,
she'd fight her battle with grace, her tears had dried...


Echoes of failure

Echoes of failure
now fills the news...
deals made in smokey chambers,
corruption hiding from view...


Final Resting Place

The urn Edna put back on the coffee table reminded her that Henry had always promised her a place with a fireplace.  Another thing that never came to be.  Who knew that his final resting place would be a landfill courtesy of a vacuum cleaner.

Edna said a quick prayer, she'd seen the last of Henry today.


Climbing Despair

I've climbed despair to you....
it might have been an easy trip,
to me
it was almost
but I did it....


Monday, December 3, 2012

That brown box of magic

That brown box of magic,
a gift from my aunt to me...
and so I now sit nostalgic,
sorting through memories,
captured youthful antics,
ever thankful for photography...


An endless blight

We used to look forward,
the future seemed so bright,
like the blooms of an orchard...
Now tomorrow is filled with fright,
dreams broken and fractured,
the road ahead an endless blight...


Humanity the same

The world never changes,
new faces, new names...
war and hatred still rages,
passing years, humanity the same...


The Change We Need

The change we need,
we make ourselves,
it comes from within...



like the breeze,
no worries,
no cares,
if only for a day


You vanished

You vanished as we spoke,
words from another place...
your mind clouded with smoke,
a lost look on your face...


Fire Dances

If we knew what to do,
we wouldn't search for answers,
fire dances and voodoo,
and still we live in fear....


They could not stay

Until death destroys me
I will walk this floor
never wanting, never needing
anyone... anymore...
Alone I walk to where I go
my friends of yesterday
gone to other times and places
they found they could not stay


Sunday, December 2, 2012

Birthday Wishes

It was so nice to hear
from all my kids today
their voices filled with cheer
wishing me happy birthday
now I know when it is this year...


This bitter cup

Those words uttered by you
...your goodbyes
have placed me somewhere
...afar off in time
Alone with my love
...who to give it to?
This wonderful sharing
that started so joyfully
has ended in sorrow...
How to mend a broken love?
I have been from the heights
of to the
depths of despair
My soul is on fire...
This bitter cup, that is my
life, no more, no more, more


A long long way

I've come a long long way this year
shut many a door
traveled a lifetime on paper
I never had before
I thought I wouldn't survive these days
and here they've come and gone
I've unravelled all the dreams I had
and don't know if I've lost or won...


Saturday, December 1, 2012

Things come and go

I never want to fall in love again
or expose the need of me
for anyone to recognize
the joy in love is so brief
and the pain continues
on and on
out of balance
out of tune
like me
a guitar with its strings missing
there are only the memories now
to sort through
and put away
shut my eyes
and stuff then in an old shoebox
and tie it tightly with twine
pretend love never came and went
who really cares
that I have loved
it's just another
yesterday's dream...


Emotional Inflation

I feel hurt...
and sometimes want to strike out
and tired...
perpetually tired
and I don't gave a damn about
the things I used to
I'm tired of all the worst coming true
about you...
and about so many other things too
It's like living in a nightmare land
such little things...
grown into monstrous dreams... out of hand
and nothing is right...
in my whole world anymore
My insecurities
are in the open... and I don't care
I'm much too tired...
and hurt...and used...and lost
and all things...
are much too dear... in the price they cost
so I bleed out
a crimson loss of days
and reminders of you
as I slowly fade away


A simple code

I solved a simple code,
in counting the days of my life,
these numbers are the sum
of all my tears and joy...


Balance your life

Life needs to be balanced and sometimes we forget that.  Take time to sow so that you can reap.  Take time to relax that your body may rest and not be caught up in constant work and chores.

Laughter is a necessity in life that we do not take it too seriously.  We get so busy filling our hours with labor that we live on fast food and quick snacks, forgetting the enjoyment of a well prepared meal and breaking bread together.

Life should not be lived in the last lane, and hurried through, but savored consciously.  If work is a necessity, so are quiet times, peace, play and just plain fun.

Time in nature, whether walking the beach or among the trees and flowers is a tonic to the spirit and it rejuvenates us.  Schedule these times as seriously as your work, these are times to nourish the soul.  Too often we say we are too tired and wonder why we feel emotionally drained, neglecting our spirit is the reason.

Set aside time to meditate and pray, or just to sit quiet within, enjoying the beauty of the sky, the soft caress of a breeze, the kiss of a raindrop and the sounds of nature.

This is your life, a gift given to you not just to work, but to embrace, learn from, to spiritually grow and to honor the self that you were created to be.

Life is a process of wonder, not a highway of things we have to do.  Pamper yourself when you feel the need.  Relax in a warm scented bath of bubbles, or play music to transport your spirit.

Retreat from time to time, surrounding yourself with beauty of nature, and just breath.  Leave your cares at home and clear your mind. We think it isn't possible, but it is.

Too often we neglect to put ourselves on a priority list in our own lives.  What purpose is our life if not about our own personal growth?  Feed the spirit first and you'll find a more living you to share with others.


An endgame of power

An endgame of power,
this bait and switch,
pushing us over an economic cliff....


The powder keg of war

Tensions mounting
everywhere you look
the powder keg of war
just waiting for a match


Bad Promise

The state promised security,
in exchange we gave our freedom,
now we have neither....


Landing on the moon

Ted was sitting in a bar when we landed on the moon,
it was on that day he decided to do something with his life....

He's still trying to figure out what that is...



and a winning team...
of course life has meaning, Ted thought


My Silver and Gold

My silver and gold
are memories I hold
fading as I grow old


Mortality cast aside

Truth will rise to the surface,
and open our eyes...
our mortality cast aside...


To give and to get

To give and to get,
motive and appreciation,
are key, to all things


How Empty

He was a sexual
and passionate man
who spoke into my void
echoes resounding...
until he entered here
I hadn't realized
how empty I was....


Friday, November 30, 2012


Ted was relieved when he found out the meaning of life was forty-two.  He could memorize that, even though he wasn't good with numbers.


Your Hands

A mans hand
is supposed to be powerful
yours was tender
and expertise
shadowed with talent gained
bones and tendons
working to precision
weighing each second
with sweat on your forehead
but dry hands
hands of healing
giving birth
seeking beyond skin level
how I loved
your hands


Thursday, November 29, 2012


"Why are we here?," Sally asked Ted from the kitchen.
"To watch the game," he answered, turning up the volume with the remote.



Numbers mark the years,
and they tally the tears...
Counting the lonely days,
since we parted ways...


In God's Arms

I see myself in God's arms,
oh such a beautiful day,
greeted at the gates of heaven,
my father, my mother,
all those I love...
reunited again...
such a glorious dream...


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pushed towards a cliff

The people your toys,
as you push them towards a cliff,
no leadership, just ploys,
our economic future adrift...


The harmony of truth

A simple miracle,
the harmony of truth


I can't keep up

I can't keep up
with all this change
a world disrupted
constantly rearranged
taken down, reconstructed
It's no wonder I feel so estranged


Don't buy failure

I am reluctant I admit
but I must move froward bit by bit
shun the sadness, not be discouraged
don't buy failure, forget, go on
the fire's tempered, the heart is warm
nothing worthwhile is easily won
I'll never give in, admit defeat
somehow I'll find my happiness street!


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Apocalyptic Bash

Heading down the long decline,
don't pick up too much speed,
or all will end with a crash...
what we take for granted, so sublime,
no wants, no needs,
this apocalyptic bash...


To find my peace

This is not the way I want it to be
I want my life to be full and free
to walk beside the endless sea
to find my peace, my tranquility
to resurrect every possibility
and to find out who is me!


Monday, November 26, 2012

Reading Poetry

Do people still read poetry?  It's something I love, like lyrics to love songs, or musings over broken hearts.  There's something timeless about it, making it special to me.


Blessed and Fulfilled

It's in these quiet moments,
when night falls and all is still,
the glowing moon an ornament,
that I feel blessed and fulfilled.


Faded Yesterday's

My faded yesterday's,
Those vivid colors gone away..,


No mandate

You have no mandate,
we've just given up...
such is our failed state...


Peace knows no age

A thousand tears and counting,
tension and fears mounting...
Peace knows no age,
and war only rage...


Electronic Freedom

Technology is taking me down roads I've never traveled.  I can now freely share my hopes and dreams.  My words can find life off the page.  Gone are the boundaries that have held me back for so long.  This electronic freedom is something to rejoice...


The trade off

For each thing lost,
something is gained,
in this world of trade offs...


Crow for breakfast

Crow for breakfast,
the dream I'd given up on,
hadn't given up on me...


So much the same

Each day, part good, part bad
I am suffocating the wounds
trying to find the dreams I had
my mind is racing, my soul in pain
is there all there is to life?
so little different, so much the same...


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Wait for your dreams

Dreams do come true,
don't think that they don't...
Patience is a virtue,
you need it, or they won't...


There's no other way

it's how we become,
what we need to be...
there's no other way


I've seen miracles

I've seen miracles,
on my darkest days,
when hope seemed futile,
Angels led the way....


Take time for you

We must take time for self.  It is as important as any other work we have in life.  In fact it is more important.  For without taking the time to be the best we can be, to clean out the debris that is keeping us from healing, we are incomplete and therefore unable to be or see, or serve our true purpose.  We're left stumbling around in the dark.

We need to examine our true desires and motives.  We need to know that we own them and they are not leftovers of someone elses' disappointments and unfulfilled dreams.

We need to honor ourselves and give as much thought and consideration as we do to our job, our friends, family and total strangers.  How can we possibly live the life we think we want to live without knowing our authentic self?

We need to release the one we lock up inside while we put on our daily facade we display to other.  The one we think will be pleasing, acceptable, that conforms to what we were taught form childhood.

Who are we really?  Are we living daily the life we would choose or are we going through the motions working at a career we were taught would give us security even if it does not bring us happiness?

Do we try to do too much for others, to be pleasing instead of allowing them to do for themselves?

Take time to examine the real you.  What is it that will allow you to be that authentic self and realize your true happiness?

What is preventing you from being or doing it?  What are you waiting for?

This is your life.  The only one you have at this time.  How do you want to use it?  What do you want to accomplish?  What would you choose if you could?  What things would you let go of, change, rearrange and do differently?

Take time for you!


Saturday, November 24, 2012


My son is helping with an epub project,
which is just sort of for learning right now.

A lot of the lingo is new to me.

Don't get me wrong, it's exciting,
but oh so confusing too.


Guess I'm Jurassic

Organic traffic,
bounce rates,
makes my head ache,
guess I'm Jurassic


Our thanks we offer

Our thanks we offer,
of acceptance we proffer...


It's a lifelong task

And how many more scars
to create part by part
enough hurts to make who
your pain shattered hears
don't ask
don't ask
it's a lifelong task...


Friday, November 23, 2012


it shows with age..
I'm disengaged...
my mental rampage...
a daily disadvantage...
a struggle with language...
from memory damage...


Occupied by gadgets

The world is passing me by,
in ways I could never imagine...
These gadgets that keep us occupied,
to me are such a challenge...
all toys that will never replace a mother's lullaby...


Beyond my simple blog

My kids all read ebooks now,
and I have to admit the blogging is fun,
so the next step for me just might be dusting off more old journals...
and moving them from old paper to bits and bytes,
and realms of e-ink, beyond my simple blog.

This world of technology, oh so new to me.


Memory's Affixation

In my youth I lived in castles of imagination,
exploring its chambers, roaming its halls,
a life of girlish dreams and fascinations...
where knights of honor would brawl...
all to fade with memory's affixation...


No traffic

No traffic
No cares


Faint Moments

In the faint moments
when one hears
whispering angel voices
murmur in our ears


Prayers to pray

How many griefs to overcome
before you find your way
How many sorrows to fill your heart
How many prayers to pray


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Feeding Dreams

I've fed my dreams over the years,
watering them through and through,
often with my loneliness and tears,
waiting for them to finally come true...


Sunset of your years

You who never wearily toiled
with only riches to pave your road
will find in the sunset of your years
a heartless, heavy load


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A famine through the years

You're unprepared, who never lost
a treasure kept.. just tears
who never hungered only to find
a famine through the years


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Me alone

Some moments I keep to myself,
they belong to me alone...
my personal treasures,
and torments too


The Razor's Edge of Love

The razor's edge of love cut us in two,
it's when I'm bleeding that I think of you.


So does the heart

Is it possible for you, my love
to be faithful to one woman...
when you are attracted to so
many...for if the mind strays
then so does the heart...


Monday, November 19, 2012

Tweny years to go

Ben died after ten years on the job.  He planned on living again after he retired.  Twenty years to go....


Removing Mirrors

Leo removed all the mirrors from his house.  He didn't like who he had become.


His Car

It was nearly 3:00 am when the police brought Pops home.  He'd been out looking for his car.  We'd given it away two years ago.


Oreo Cookies

Relationships are like Oreo Cookies, you know what to exptect in the middle.


It never got published

We needed the money.
I wrote a book.
It never got published.


Real and True

Marriage without love
can be hell
to share life with one
you love
is to dwell...
in the heavens of your
love thus shared will
not depart...
thus my thoughts run
in fear of myself
this doubt so wrong
did I make this hell
with a simple I do?
not waiting for love
real and true....


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Before government handouts

It was kindness, love and friendship,
from strangers and neighbors that helped us...
it made us strong and appreciative...
such were our communties,
before government handouts destoryed this...


Every tomorrow

By the hand he led me,
across the green meadow,
slowly towards the sea,
to fill with love, every tomorrow...


Faith in the 21st century

I googled God,
he replied with a tweet,
faith in the 21st century...


As seashells washed ashore

I roamed the beach alone,
catching glimpses of our time together,
in the waves, as seashells washed ashore...


The fate of gender

In my era, girls married young, thus sealing their destiny.  Boys went to college and had careers. Neither had much say in the matter, their paths were chosen by the fate of gender.


Channels of creativity

Channels of creativity, and expression... That's what I've been learning how to swim across.  Connections beyond my dreams and expectations, that's what technology has brought to me.  Words and thoughts that have been collecting dust for decades have now been brushed off and have found new life.  The joy of being able to share my thoughts and musings is beyond my ability to express.


The roses

My father was a truck driver until he hurt his back and had to learn to walk again.  That's when the roses came into our lives.


Decaying connections

These images fading with time,
these pictures in my mind,
they're like old photographs,
decaying connections to my past...


Unsaid, still

What is in my heart I cannot say
there are no words to tell
These images I know well
Somehow saying these
leaves it unsaid...STILL


You are gone

I am as though in a fog lately
I try not to remember
the times with you.
I have not written anything
for the past fews days.
Remembering is too painful
and I feel so hopeless are gone.
There is no way to go back.
No retracing yesterdays. are gone.
It is futile to hold on to
these few memories
hoping to hold on to you.
And if I could,
what comfort would it be?
When I suffer your complete
...loss so.
The clouds of endless tomorrows
sweep upon me,
and I wish not to fight
...the inevitable.
My heart is in the tomb
of my dreams. are gone.


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Forsaken peace

The guns go rat tat tat,
bombs boom boom boom,
cities are just a deathtrap,
the future filled with doom,
peace forsaken by bureaucrats,
dreams up in smoke and fumes....



We don't all want the same thing,
if we did, there'd be no war...
selfishness our great shortcoming


The gift of friendship

Blessed is he who not only enjoys the gift of friendship, but the joy of being a friend. Of giving not only of his possessions and time, but of his heart and spirit.  It has the power to dry tears, send sorrow away, and to fill one with laughter and smiles.  The comfort and joy of friendship makes life worthwhile to me.


The Nanny Motherland

It's an era of ruin,
and that of party planning,
their dependence doctrine,
the nanny motherland...


Just a long decline

There is no finish line,
just a long decline,
lost memories, once mine


Clothed in tears

I forgive you your smallness
for giving me money,
instead of love....
Sorrow where once....
lived joy.
Tears to clothe my nights
And a small amount
...of happiness,
and nothing else.


Friday, November 16, 2012

I like the web

Tech is making some dreams come true for me!


Just a fading memory

These years of decline,
when thoughts slip the mind...
What's left of your life story,
is just a fading memory...


The dogs of war

The red glare of rockets,
pounding through the night,
distant fires viewed from the cockpit,
war planes called into fight,
the dogs of war heed the trumpets,
as people scramble in fright...


Join your tears

Nobody makes me cry...anymore
I'm immune...dead inside
like the beathing of the tide
...against the shore...
The pain grates against my heart more will it enter
Just wash over me...
and drown me in the empty sea
The tears are gone...and
what is left here...pride?
Love...anything at all?
Just an empty oceanside
waiting for its
beckons the sea
come and join your tears with me.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Blood will fill the streets

Blood will fill the streets,
along with corpses...
upon which worms will eat.
Dreams just decaying innards...
Hopes for peace obsolete...


Once strong and proud

We're in a hell of our own making...
there's nothing exceptional now,
just people who know only taking...
a nation once strong and proud,
falling apart and breaking...


A new day of war

A new day of war has begun,
in a blaze of rockets and guns,
a 21st century swan song...


Hurt digs deep

Hurt digs deep,
it scars the heart,
it invades my sleep,
it's cold and dark...


Letting love come to us

Love comes when we learn to seek and recognize the truth. 
Love comes when we remove the mask of fear and pain.
Love comes when we let excuses, denial and blame give way.


Fear the war mask

The rockets blast
setting streets on fire.
Fear the war mask!


Friday Night Blues

In the dim light
of that dingy bar
he bared my soul
as he strummed his guitar
and there I sat for all to see
so alone since you set me free
crying to myself...pitifully
remembering the warmth of you
your touch...your kiss
but what good does it do
to remember...this
when I long for the nearness of you
I sit alone...not dreams
but fears come true
I'm so blue...


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

On the skids again

The economy is on the skids again,
hardly a week after the election,
so much for promises that helped you win


The Autumn Leaves

The Autumn leaves have fallen,
and all blown away,
my oranges and yellows,
like my days of yesterday...
now barren meadows.


I dwell on the past

I dwell on the past,
to spite myself,
making the pain linger and last...


Boring sex scandals

He said, she said,
behind closed doors,
in strange beds,
we've heard all this before


He who's not loved

Nothing would be more beautiful
than to spend my life with you
there has been such a contrast
between those few times we
were together and all these
long nights of
that I'm alone..oh, the bitterness
of behing without you....with
all happiness...sorrow must
accompany...they go hand in hand
you live in my houses
you still...who can know...
he who has never loved....


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Trip of nostalgia

You've loved me in pity
when I asked for understanding.
My love for you was limitless
in its response...I consoled
your sorrows...fed your
hunger...dried your tears...
listened to your troubles...
and now you fill my mind
still...for you are my first
and only love...and I try
to recapture and relive all
the wonderful times with you.'s a trip in nostalgia...


Monday, November 12, 2012

The world ablaze

A hippie daze
of foolish ways
A youthful maze
the world ablaze


Another fiscal fiasco

We hit the wall
four years ago
over a cliff we'll fall
another fiscal fiasco....


Black Friday

Black Friday,
our day of greed,
a gluttonous holiday,
to buy things we don't need...


Dangerous fools

Thre are no heroes,
only dangerous fools...


Our long goodbye

Our long goodbye,
started before you died,
when you didn't know who I was,
on that day I broke down and cried...


As the recession lingers

When dreams disappear,
and streets sit empty,
the future so unclear,
our uncertain destiny,
as the recession lingers


Love that goes unknown

I am unspeakably alone...
bowing to a power greater than mine
quiet and cool... unknown
to others that I am here
No more our lives to intertwine
the air is fresh and golden
up here where I am... but
oh so cold... I'm beholden
to still see you hard and firm
a picture in my mind...
but the leaves of my life
have scattered down... a germ
of what used to be... the ties that bind
are loosened on the ground
and you are no more around
... no one's left be me
My heart and blood rise up a cry
against love's unfairness to one
for want of left to die
no more to bask in the sun
that shone from you....alone
Life seems hopeless...this is
one way to atone...I guess
That all the love in my heart, goes unknown


Sunday, November 11, 2012

The new Odysseus

This isn't the nation we thought it was,
those days passed a long time ago,
this is the era of the new Odysseus,
we've lost our freedom history will show


Peace, expired

Troops are gathering,
and rockets being fired,
all these signs we're seeing,
peace, once again expired...


Scandals are nothing new

Scandals are nothing new
yet we act surprised
at the things politicians do
often right before our eyes


For the want

I refuse to hunger
or feel need
for anyone
especially you
but I do...
and then I'm angry
for the wanting...
my half-life
half lived
going down the sewage
leaking like
a menstrual flow
but more frequently
devoid, sexless
because no one else
can fill me...
crying bloody tears
for the want...
to be yours...


Saturday, November 10, 2012

Aging and failing

Sentences with no endings,
because I forgot what I was saying,
no lucidity, just pretending,
memory lapses, aging and failing...


We built a great pyramid

We built a great pyramid,
one of paper not stone,
all the greedy contributed,
government and banks condoned,
and economy grew distorted,
dreams now marked on tombstones,
our nation among dearly departed...


The lyrics of my heart

The vision of you,
the lyrics of my heart,
a love, once true,
pure, unmarked


what was it?

I can't remember what is was that I'm trying to forget....



We need to reinvent ourselves as a nation,
failure is not a reason for celebration...


Technology our emerald

We can circle the world
with the click of a mouse...
Technology our emerald,
the cosmos we browse...
Exploring a netherworld,
this universe within the house....


Blue mist of the night

The cold air grew suddenly still,
a blue mist moved slowly by,
growing and filling my darkened room...

Three nights of this mystic chill,
lulled awake by a haunting lullaby,
a chorus of the dead in rotting tombs...


My bucket of memories

My bucket of memories,
battered, old and rusty,
now dripping and leaky...


Edge of fiscal hell

A brighter future is a hard sell,
looking over the edge of fiscal hell,
this recovery not going so well...


Making paper

I write my feelings
refusing to read my own words
transported from brain to paper
through the ink that flows in me
my fingertip a pen
constantly moving across
blank sheets of skin
enormous rushes of energy
pulsating brain waves
devouring all I come in contact with
digested in the acid of my entrails
and spat out word after word
unfolding like the leaves
I eat for breakfast...
one day to awaken
and find myself a tree
thin, they shall make paper
out of me...


Friday, November 9, 2012

My mind a maze

The things I remember these days,
odd bits of names and faces,
blurred in a haze,
pieces of times and places,
my mind a maze...


The gravity of aging

Gravity has challenged my assets,
once a youthful lover's banquet...