Time claims all

There's no money for my grave
there's no place for me to rest
no lingering memories left to save
time will claim what little's left

11000913

See them line up

See them line up
for the gassing
waiting their turns
in patience
sad eyed silence
prevailing
trying to believe
this a pleasant event
dreaming of cool water
splashing... wetness
deceiving barely smiles
lean over watch
the next bunch load
in... try to see
what?
No one exiting
this way
ahead lies mystery
a travesty
why the lines...
the waiting... panic
don't panic
they said it wouldn't be
much longer
it was the truth
it was a lie... die

05151979

Light of the world

Light of the world
force of infinity
cast away my troubles
send angels to set me free

040809163

Flowing from the deep

See the light
flowing from the deep
blinding and bright
our fears retreat
as our angels take flight
their wings do gracefully beat
and all is set right....

14040913

Wax

I am wax
melted by anger
shaped by love
supple and soft
giving light when needed
and exhausted by time

13540913

Loving Revelry

These forces of the universe
that we call upon
give us eyes to observe
and voice to respond
to nature's glory
and haunting song
with loving revelry

13420913

Two Worlds

Two worlds
seen and unseen
visible and invisible
they tangle us up
in webs of time
and nets of deceit
we cut through them
with truth and faith
and emerge free

13210913

Rare Occassions

We speak of sacred things
occasionally, in whispers
when we're safe, and free
like passing dreams
those times are rare...

13160913

Dissipation

My calendar no longer filled
with to dos and special occasions
no new memories and thrills
instead I watch the past's dissipation

13070913

The mole

The strange world of mine
I'm just a mole, always digging
just to let in some sunshine
into this maze of troubles never ending

06061978

Reflections

Reflections
in a pool of blood
Reflections
in broken glass
Reflections
my soul's mirror
Reflections
in salty tears
Reflections
on fading years
Reflections
my memories flood
Reflections
slipping from grasp

16110913

Time's Passing

Something is different
the future has changed
I must have blinked
things aren't the same
time's passing irreverent
to what we feel and think

16010913

Painting, again...

Locked away
from the world
just an image
under a brush
coming to life
stroke by stroke
my hands do set
my dreams free...

15570913

Athena

Athena
she prays with me
in light she shines
in my every dream
my angel
who watches
over me...

15510913

Ultimate Destroyer

Fear of being alone
angry that you are not there
with me
fear of growing old
vindictive with joy
that you must age too
fear that you are gone forever
jealous that you are
in the arms of another
like a ping pong ball
I bounce back and forth
always returning
with fear
the ultimate destroyer

09221977

Sunshine

Not calm seas always
but storms too
not all sunny days
but rain and snow
with the knowledge
that the sun
will always shine again
feelings
should be that alive
with no resentments
for the stormy side
the sun will shine
again...

10141977

Below the surface

Underneath the surface
skin deep
run emotions
you cannot put your finger on
love, rage,
hurt, anger,
frustration, happiness,
disappointment,
and hope
and so much else
we paint a smile on
to cover what we feel
thinking it best
not to give into our feelings
I can acknowledge
these to myself
knowing through them
my good and bad points
but without giving
with emotion
with all of me
how much am I giving
really?
Somethings
cannot be put into words
but a touch, breath soft
a genuine grin
open laughter
eyes dancing
can bring it to life
so well
and isn't that what living's all about
real living?

10141977

Hands Up

Hold up your hands
over your head
now keep on clapping

06151979

I've tasted its fruit

There is no authority
on your heart
love comes to it unbidden
no one knows how or when
it starts
or why some keep it hidden
I can't lecture on love
any better than another
although I've tasted its fruit
and recognize
some of the symptoms
I know not better
than anyone else
just what causes it to take root
what causes it to skyrocket
and sometimes
sputter and falter
for all the warning
our intellect could give
its course we couldn't alter

10141977

Diving in

It's not enough then
just to love?
Callously they take your heart
leaving shame and pain
your legacy
the lies left ringing
laughing
this brutal ache
a memory
diving into a secret world
closing overhead
the darkness descends
no one to find
where was the beginning
where is the end
the smooth layer disappears
not a ripple does it send
here there is no hating
no need to forgive
forever in a winter world
within this loss
the loveless love...

09051977

Love's Music

I dance the night away
always, in dreams
to love's music we sway

12420913

A season out of place

Out of synchronization
a misstep in the rhythm
of the world
a season out of place
I am
using all the capacities
I have at hand
to climb this far
and to stay afloat

10141977

Mileage

This past year
has been one of discovery
a well so deep
from which I've nourished
cleansing me
from the hell you created
battle waging within my being
from the acid that was burning
me to the core
I have begun to mellow
at first a counterpart
a double being
resounding back and forth
without reason, withing meaning
then measuring each step
each yard I've gained
astounding myself
at the gentleness
one can learn from pain
placing myself juxtaposition
with the mileage I've gained
the comparison from then to now
is not the same
it's a bold, and bare faced fact
that girl who was
... is dead
and will not be back

09051977

It's just a game

Love they say is but an art
others use to steal your heart
cupids arrow shot striking
causing love to grow from liking
yet some sweet words, flowered lies
believed truths by those unwise
unlearned in the battle of love's warfare
but those who use you do not care
they create in the novice a fire
leaving them burning with desire
their loins sated, their goal attained
leave you stricken, filled with pain
and off they go to do the same
to someone else, it's just a game

01011978

Soft shadows

I walk away from you
seeking firm ground to stand on
finding only soft shadows instead
you're gone and all that I once felt
has been invalidated...
In one brush stroke of a minute
no one I have ever met
before or since
has been so merciless
able to shoot your barbs
in all the vulnerability I tried to hide
leaving me to join the walking dead
unresting... full of restraints
fearful of the lingering dangers
that permeate me...
Lightening bolts of flickering remembrances
shows my consciousness
so much reality welling up
from places that had never existed before...

09081977

Upon awakening

Our lives were a meeting
of all of today's past echoings
of every tomorrow of our lives
a fleeting glimpse of a memory
upon awakening... somehow
there but as in a mist...
the depths of once long ago
and not quite to be recalled
dreams are only the realities
of a disappearance of time and
existence as a drop of rain
in the pools of the ocean...
forever unnoticed in the
vastness of the sea of life
and yet all the organisms necessary
to sustain a contingency of being
obscured in the interrelations
of time's foreverness... As
yesterday becomes tomorrow
today was never present...
as the snow but covers the ground
to give birth to spring
so sorrow walks slowly within
to awaken a new spiritual beginning
for all our dreams live within
what we ourselves are now...

00000111

Distance in days

Time has taken us from each other
making distance in days, and us
but once we touched and were together
and I always recall you nearer
though the roads we travel must
take us in different directions
each must endure the stormy weather
remembering our friendship much clearer

03061978

Become that which you see

To discover anything
to know it beneath the surface
you must gaze at it very long...
To look at the green lacy leaves
ripening in the spring air
and say this is a forest...
is not enough... you must become
that which you see.
You must become the dark wood
the worms of twigs, the spiraling
branches, the leaves touched
by the soft breeze....
climb inside and feel the sturdiness
see the spaces in-between
where sunlight laughs through the leaves
to touch the place
to feel where the roots touch
the ground and climb beneath

03061978

The Spring Thaw

Frozen are my crops
of love... in this winter
of the heart...
waiting
waiting
for the spring
thaw...

10071977

Broken Dreams

What is not truth
can't be preserved
even in a glossy
world of broken
dreams...

10061977

Within the mist

The heaviness that enshrouds me
is as heavy as a fog
lost somewhere within this mist
groping, moving... lost
waiting to experience again
the reality of sunlight
warmth, peace... and myself.

09051977

My Burden of Regrets

Over the years I've lost much
love, house and husband
old friends, family and such
to this I've grown accustomed
though not been left untouched
nor not felt alone and abandoned
using my anger and hurt as a crutch
now I'm forgetting all that has happened
as my end does slowly encroach
my burden of regrets is thus lessened
as I age away, beyond reproach

08030913

A clever fraud

You were a clever fraud
or so I thought
stealing away beauty
with you silver tongue
the reticence
with which I accepted
showed I had lost
and you had won...

Am I not what you wanted?
Why then did you steal me soul?
Was my brain too gentle
for your liking
too free thinking for your control?

Now left here am I
bitterness edged
beyond my years...
A blank hardness
to hide my tears
the sudden looks of misery
to be covered
for to be broken again
is my greatest fear...

09051977

Merciful Disguise

The brittle crust
has turned to dust
the one you offered me
I'm immune now
set free somehow
awash upon life's sea
you could never compete
even if we should meet
in my smallest nightmare
The days may be dull
but I keep them full
with no room for you anywhere
I planted the seeds
in dry and barren soil
the fruit they bore
a haunting eyesore
from which I did recoil
I have built a wall
that will not fall
there behind my eyes
each stone there
when I thought you'd care
a victim of your lies
wearing a mask unmoved
my own merciful disguise

09211977

I guessed not

You always asked me
what time I got home
when you left
somewhere
without me...
I always told you
it was none of your damn business
I knew you left me
to go to someone else
so why did it matter... when
I got home... alone?

I'd tell you I was going out
and all the things I'd do
just to make you jealous
I was screaming inside
please care..
Tell me you don't want
me going places
without you...
but you never did
and our little games
slowly eroded everything
until there was nothing
to hold on to

Remembering all the meetings
we planned...
and you never came
each time... me believing
and being there
wondering... what it was
that always kept you away
bringing you presents
anyway...

The whole strange relationship
was never fair
for all the questions
you asked...
for all the answers
I never gave...
for all the waiting I did
and all the leaving
you did...
left nothing but a moving away
from each other
and I never guessed
until the end...

07181977

Come laugh with me

Laughter is as much
a closeness to tears
as love can be
but a flickering from hate
as despair can be
an outcropping of hope
or vise versa
Have you ever found yourself
laughing until tears come
the joy is so all uncontained?
or found that the tears
of but a season ago
are a thing to laugh at later?
How could one have been
so foolish... you wonder!
Life is a combination
of so many things
that are on the brink
of its opposite
come laugh with me
over the tears we shared
together... yesterday

10021977

My silent demands

I am lax
from sexual inactivity
flabby
with want
pain tempered
from missing you
so
can I endure
this abstinence?
I am coming
full circle
to understand
my silent demands
unasked
of you
free to forgive
unutterable
your deafness
to words
written in
eye language
body contact
and love

10051977

Softness and Peace

The beauty of night
in stars... darkness
envelopes me
the moon mid-hung
stranded in the sky
impotent to reach up
as high as heaven
I lay here
absorbing this eyeless
naked beauty
seemingly alone
my open hand
reaches out
to caress the soft
moist grass
it is silent with sound
I want to swallow up
all that I can
of this peaceful enjoyment
the smells of nature
roses in heady scent
assault my senses
I am glad to have experienced
this moment firsthand
and I wrap myself
in the darkness
outdistancing the coming day
for tonight
there is but beauty
softness and peace

09201977

Never have felt

Abandonment is frightening
the taking away of love
leaves you lost somewhere
groping... drowning
water logged lungs gasping
your heart seared with the burning
endless seeming pain
stumbling to hang on to
the precipice... of what?
The ceremony of love's leave taking
has happened...
your world is burdened
with an endless darkness
as if the sun hides just from you
there's not enough love
in the world
worth this suffering
it is an annoyance
I wish I could push away
and never have felt...

09081977

Heavenward

Eternity rests within our hearts
love the timeless elixir
that lifts us upwards
as angel's wings do flutter
taking us heavenward....

12310913

Organize your time

There is a time for everything and patience is part of it.  In order to accomplish all that we want or need to do we must first organize ourselves and our priorities.

We want to jump in first with what we most desire to do and sometimes neglect what it is necessary we do, and sometimes we cannot do them all!  But if we take a breath and slow down we can better arrange ourselves and our schedules so that we can accomplish more than we thought we could.

Too often we spend so much time in worry and running around in a frenzy that we actually waste precious time.  For when we are in a stressed mode, weighed down by have to's and and want to's we lose precious energy doing nothing but worry about how we can succeed in doing all those somethings.

Soon we find that time has escaped us and we have accomplished virtually nothing, causing even more frustration.  Get up early enough to be still with God.  So that you never begin a day rushed.

Make a list for the day that will help it progress more smoothly and that nothing will be forgotten.  Then arrange them in the best order to facilitate the least amount of time spent running to and fro.

When you are engaged in an activity release your mind from thinking about the other things you need to do so that you can concentrate on what you are doing and get the most from it.

Too often our minds are are on the next step and not in the now and we waste our life away.  Give yourself to what you are doing.  Life lived in  consciousnesses allows you to get more from the moment.

Don't hurry.  Take time to breathe, to see, to enjoy.  The next thing to do will come soon enough.  Take time to stop periodically to just be aware and to be grateful of your existence and all the beauty of the day.

It is the only today you have.  Tomorrow will come soon enough.

10011999

End of the line

Death walks beside us
our companion of time
from dawn to dusk
our paths entwined
travel together we must
until the end of the line

11590913

Cruel world of forgetting

Tomorrows left remaining
are days not worth naming
memories not worth making
in the cruel world of forgetting

10390913

White Lines

Yesterday...
Riding down the highway,
seventy miles an hour
I concentrate on the white lines,
not connected,
but following one after another.
Life is like that,
one day after another,
time moves on
so I must move on down the road
trying to put the lines together
so I can understand
the traveled miles of my life
maybe then I will be able to enjoy
the many untraveled miles
that are before me,
but first I must connect the white lines.
If you drive fast enough
will they meld into one?

00000000

A Human Robot

I am desperate in my placidness
consciously striving for nothing
my pathetic endurance a facade
reality after all is only a dream
the secret of happiness is non-caring
I have made myself a human robot

09211977

Bring me peace

Bring me peace
this night,
happiness
in the moon's
shower
of light...

10071977

I was wrong

I've offered you a part of me,
something I don't give
too many people.
I thought you understood,
but I guess I was wrong.
You seemed to run.
Games were the thing for you,
but I won't play.
I've been down that road before.

00000000

Broken Cup

The surprise of the inevitable
awaited me there
the soft voice resounding
across in the chair
the law of destruction
was courted and won
deceits arranged
as sharp as a gun
you opened my soul
to the agony there
safely watching
me give way to despair
a recent ache
but oh so familiar
clouded my vision
of one once so clear
I am a broken cup
my pain spilling away
running, over, each drop
in a pool it did lay
by now I was lost
in my own overflow
why should I stay
it was past time to go
I disolved in one breath
and joined the winds flow
scattering me everywhere
that the breeze does flow

09051977

Timekeeper

Being there with you last night,
covered by the softness of love,
I wanted to be the ruler of time.
If I had the power I would have
stopped the clock of the world
so that I could be there forever,
sharing the warm vibrations of your heart...

But I could not stop the lonely path of time.
I could not hold you forever
because today would arrive and you would leave,
but your memory will remain,
your warmth is mine forever...

00000000

Filled with solidarity

Days and nights
filled with solidarity
left alone
to sing the blues
waiting for my friend
to offer his hand
in friendship
again...

03191977

Touching Memories

My hand yearns to reach out
and touch your face, soft after
a shave, scented with lotion
I long to breath the scent of you
in... I touch your memory
with my mind...

05171978

Insulated Heating

I willed my heart to stop
it kept on beating
circulating its warmth
insulated heating

10061977

As the flower

Free me as the flower
is free
to blow in the breeze
green grass covering
its roots
within the rich earth
colors of fragrant hue
the sun my warmth
my petals seeking
to bloom
within its radiance
kissed only
by the dew
this only I beseech
of you...

08071977

Found Guilty

Because I have lost faith
in my own judgement
love and desire after all
had conquered them once
and I defended them
in blindness
for to say truthfully
I was wrong
was to shame my own instincts

Was it love or pity
that brought us to each other
or was it in need alone?

This somehow in time
has become irrelevant
it is in emerging
from my cocoon of self-doubt
that the real fear lies
in reaching out
the longing to care for someone
is a need I cannot admit

I have damned myself
or circumstantial evidence
and found myself guilty
of a lack of judgement in loving
life is a return to meaning
rejecting participation
thus I reject myself

09051977

Unbind me

Unbind your love
that ties me down
strip it from me
as winter does
the leaves of the tree
leave me free
my branches reaching
toward a new day
a new life
clear of the dark
into the light
I am beseeching

Give me wings
as of the bird
to soar upon each
breath of air
carrying me further
outward
where
your touch
no longer can reach
your voice
cannot carry there
your glance
no longer
will meet my own
unbind the ties
of your love
this of you
I beseech

08071977

Words of vapor

Oh what is love
that I should fall
beyond your graces
left here alone
you slew me with
your tongues sharp knife
turned against me
life a vapor
caught up in the call
of words spoken softly
things you spoke of love
never meant at all

08081977

Think Back

As I sit here looking back
at fading years and hard times
my memory slipping through cracks
passing are the hills I've climbed
as age these things does subtract
my kids a precious treasure, sublime
know that I love you as I fade to black
think back on the good times, if so inclined

13400913

Each of you

Each of you
special gifts
had all my
love...
Each of you
treasures
to me...
Each of you
made me
so proud...
Each of you
so strong
and unique...
Each of you
I thank
for sharing
my journey...

13050913

The daily grind

My map to happiness
led me far astray
lost in indebtedness
peace so far way
no order or cleanliness
just a struggle every day
this road hard and ruinous
keeping demons at bay
the daily grind so ludicrous

12510913

Burning

Burning bush
my soul in flames
engulfing me in its heat
passions fire alight with love
if left unquenched
who then is to blame
the one who lit this furnace
or the victim
caught up in your game

08081977

Strange Faces

Photographs hang on my walls
just strange faces now
the names I don't recall
time turned, strangers somehow
my connection, slight, visceral

12240913

Love Immortal

Love needs nothing else to feed on
it nourishes itself... even when
the object loved is out of sight
love still lives on... love is as
a furnace to the heart to warm
it... love is the gift in itself
it gives all and needs nothing
in return... you cannot put its
fire out, so easily once lit
...True love does not want to
possess the object of its affection,
that would be to defeat its
purpose... neither will it be
possessed... love is both a
joy encouraging the heart's
beating and a sorrow impairing
its full activity... it is as
a harvest you now reap to...
fill your storehouses... it is
ignorant of climate and...
seasons as the wild weed
...casting its seeds in the
fields of your heart, and
blossoms profusely... love
and its functions remain a
mystery... why is the soul of
you so affected by one person...
who makes it so... what chemical
reaction takes place... this
tenderness that touches us
so makes it worth our stay
here on earth... it makes this
barren wasteland of our existence
as if a paradise... love itself
will not change, it is as...
constant as the sky itself...
only man and his desires change
...for we are but mortal beings
and love is immortal...

00000117

Before Sleep Descends

It is only remembered now
our moments in the dark
before sleep descends upon me
my mind searches out
and adds one mark
in my favor
my last gift to you
though love did not last
you never saw it die
you did not stay to see me cry
and now the big sleep approaches
our yesterdays together vanishing
without a trace, gone unnoticed
those times I once cherished

01301980

The emptiness deepens

The emptiness deepens
there is no end
without objective
where do you begin?
without movement
without change
still raw with hurting
it is so strange
time and beauty
is slipping away
a little more
with each passing day
because I wanted
it so badly
love left me alone
sadly
a failure from the start
unable to keep
what I touched with my heart

10051977

Tuning Forks

Close your eyes
and existence ceases
your ears then
are the only tuning forks
to reality
the tremble of a voice
often gives more away
than the visual image
the stilted speech
embarrassment
are all seen clearly
through sound
put on the blank face
of sightlessness
and listen to the pictures
of words wrung out
into truthfulness

09211977

Nine Eleven

The world pretends
to remember today
the horror that happened
on that fateful September day
yet our freedom we've abandoned
we willingly gave that away
and yet we still feel threatened
and our ideals have gone astray
as we live huddled and frightened
and "we remember" is all we can say

12390913

Locked up world

We tear down our bridges
and build up walls instead
lock up our doors and gates...
and hearts... filled with lead
We take love and seal it...
away... in a room somewhere
and know how to care... only
for friends and children... there
is no love anymore to share
with the millions of others
who need it so much...
no one can penetrate our
locked up world... no touch
of another is welcomed... I
am a rock... hard and solid
we say... I will not cry...
or be vulnerable... but
of all the commodities we
could have... love is the only
one lost when kept... when freely
given it increases and grows
but locked in our hearts
we bemoan our woes...
never giving to those who need
never filling the need we...
have ourselves.... by allowing
them to give... here I'm empty
give me love... and I'll return
that love to you... I do not
have so many friends I can turn
one away... I do not have so
much love I can let one micron
of it go... I love to love... I know

0000116

Barren Ground

Your love was my nourishment
to feed on
the ground where it was planted
is barren
the winds scattering the seeds
of your offerings
given in condescending charity

Gratefully
I pecked away at what I could
hurriedly
before I lost all that was there
pitifully
scattered upon the dry dirt
in your passing

08071977

Vaporous Contamination

My miasma
the vaporous contamination
of self...
depleting, corrupting,
rancid, overflowing,
oozing out,
fatal even to me...

09051977

Always There

When we place our faith in him
bow our head and kneel down
he hears our prayers we way to him
and answers without a sound

He lightens our soul's heavy load
and steals our cares away
and gives us both earth and sky
a gift we get each day

With him we need not be afraid
just follow where he leads
he guides, protects and loves us
and repays us our good deeds

No wonder so many turn to him
he is in many ways adored
for who else is always there
but God, our Savior, our Lord...

03121979

Finality

There is something terrifying
in the comfort of knowing a thing is over
the finality of an ending
no more need to fight and struggle
the mask of hope can be dropped
the bomb has exploded
no more waiting
the promises like the flowers are dead
the advantages and privileges were few
you gave so much and received so little
time was a clock running down
the sweetness of your need unfulfilled
I am exhausted in the darkness
where I have come to live
the ending was too draining
as was the act of maintaining
I have nothing left to give.

09051977

My soul the price

Life is the pit
the fright, the hell
the deep dark blackness
in which we dwell

No relief from this fact
a bare faced meaning
no awakening
from this non-dreaming

Life is a disease
its roots descending
camouflaged with lies
but never ending

Fear is irrelevant
without soul
I know now
why the bell does toll

It is for me
the pit has been calling
and into the deep
here am I falling

No more emerging
from this deep hole
no more again
need the bell toll

No more scheming
no more playing
into this blackness
forever laying

Life is deceiving
no more displaying
no more to listen
to the lies life's saying

My soul is the price
with which I'm paying

08311977

By and By

and you have gone away,
and here - alone - am I,
has love forever ended,
until the day - I die?

my hair's grown long again,
I brush it every night,
and sleep on a dreamer's pillow,
waiting love's own daylight

and tomorrow shall it find,
someone loves - again - not I,
is that your shadow on the sand
waiting for me, by and by?

02121979

Out of troubled waters

In this sea,
my home,
I'm never alone...
the waters carry
me...
falling stars to
catch
and
refresh me so
and the moonlight
does glow
for me
so free
the sea nymph
out of troubled
waters...
I go...

16300913

Magic Seas

Stir the waters
with trouble
and strife
if you dare
I'll be
deep down
under
free
truth is all
the sea nymph
needs
here in these
magic seas

16230913

I'll get there

My life is altered now
no one to answer my why?, my how?
I awake in my bed alone
life is a long empty moan
night is darker and so much longer
but I am learning to be stronger
I still pray, I still hope
sometimes I stumble, fumble, grope
I feel when alone, a quiet pain
but always pick myself up again
where I'm heading is not clear
but by God, I'll get myself there!

01281979

Her domain

Grasping for breath
treading water in vain
not life nor death
can be feigned
to the sea I regress
free, unrestrained
a sea nymph undressed
she can't be constrained
nor repressed
her heart untamed
beneath her breast
these waters her domain

16000913

Send Angels

So where are the angels?
Did we scare them away?
Toxic souls of corruption
have no faith in humanity...
Send us some angels
and restore nature's harmony...

15340913

Solstice

My ceremonial
solstice
My time of change
brings solace
along with
sun and rain
as I swing round
again....

04271996

seeking and imagining

I am
who I am
created in love
raised in adversity
and a seeking
for knowledge
and truth
and beauty
and always hope
imagining each learning
in the bone and marrow
that is me
and in the blood
that courses my routes
I was suckled
in my own heritage to give me pride
I was shunned
to give me strength
and touched deeply
on occasion
by those who fed my need
to absorb and grasp
always reaching higher
I have found I still have
infallible areas of vulnerability
pierced by love and its hurts
plastered heavily in pain
still I can say
I am
who I am
even in change

11181977

No reproach needed

The brown earth opens her pores to the rain
I can't sit and sum up the day
There's no reproach needed for feeling this way

14210913

The feeling box

The feeling box
I keep on my mantle
is quite full now
I look into it each night
and laugh at that first emotion
swimming around in awe
hopelessly lost
and cry over the silly
heart ache and loss
and cringe at the anger
rage and confusion
trying to get back
at me....

16140913

Her prize

Good woman,
she loved him from afar,
had to have him,
if only for just one night,
it was the only way...
she'd express this with flesh,
and receive her prize...

14040913

Lady of the tide

The evidence mounts
with your silence
like our orgasms used to
I'm embalmed
in my own world
men run from the
mannequin of me... Now
I used to be real, once...
My hair is seaweed
washed up on the shore
barnacles encrust my body
I have the scent
of the sea... about me
The lady of the tide
walking the shore's
of her life...

03181977

Discarding the rest

I touched my lips
to yours
they burned like
dry ice
making me pull away
I remember them once
feeling cool
like a country stream
your hollow brown eyes
melting my own
stripping me
of my... realities
drawn in like a vacuum
peeling away
the outer rind of me
exposing the fruit
to light
your teeth are razor sharp
biting in
eating down to the core
then discarding the rest

03201977

Like a rainbow

Love is like a rainbow
...here for the moment
and it promises no...
"pot of gold"... on the
other side
Just wings to take us
away, high above
all our cares...

00000114

At my mourning wall

And I see you standing
at my mourning wall
protesting love's
bitter gall

I wish you better
luck than me
life cannot always be
a loveless tragedy

For I would take what security
I have and give it all
for one sweet blissful
... lover's call

Far better the struggle
the cursing and crying
than to sit stony
something dying

For when love
finally set me free
it left my lover's
heart in me

And I cannot forget
not even with another
he will always be
my absent... only lover

I hope you never
become dead like
me... living out
your mortality

Savor it... enjoy it
the good and the bad
sometimes when they've gone
that's all that you've had

And I'd go back in a moment
to all the tragedy
to spend just one more time
in his company

00000000

Jeanne's Poem

My friend
who did wait
as I kicked and screamed
and cursed my fate

Who did comfort me
as only a friend can
when I went through hell
from... my... man

Who came with me
when I cried
sitting out over the oceanside
wishing somehow I had died

And now love has
captured your heart too
how can I help ease the pain
of what I've already been through?

Life is a fickle,
friendless foe
who strikes your freedom
down with an arrow's blow

But tell me friend
would we really know
if this were true love
if we didn't have to struggle so?

How would we be able
to compare
with the other feelings
we've experienced somewhere?

For sorrow and love
go side by side
like the ebb and flow
of the sea's tide

And I see you standing
at my mourning wall
protesting love's...
bitter gall

I wish you better
luck than me
life cannot always be
a loveless tragedy

For I would take what security
I have and give it all
for one sweet blissful
... lover's call

Far better the struggle
the cursing and crying
then to sit stony....
something dying

For when love
finally set me free
it left my lover's
heart in me

And I cannot forget
not even with another
he will always be
my absent... only lover

I hope you never
become dead like...
me.... living out
your mortality

Savor it.... enjoy it
the good and the bad
sometimes when they're gone
that's all that you've had

And I'd go back in a moment
to all the tragedy
to spend just one more time
in his company...


00000113

I've kept it all

I have in my purse
and wallet and drawers
a special collection
of times that were ours
A hockey stub
to a game we went
A napkin from
a special place we spent
some tender time together
Notes that I've written
of my love for you
To anyone else
they would be a few
pieces of junk
even the feather
I found on the beach
on a day we spent
together
I kept it all
so I could recall
all the love you've shown
now that I'm alone...

0000010

lines of poetry

I have cursed you enough
in the lines of my poems
and between them,
in the silences which fall
like ash flakes
on the water tank
from a smog bound sky.
I feel
more abandoned
than a baby seal
on an ice floe... red
with its mother's blood.
Because you saw me in your image
because you favored me
you punished me,
and I cursed you.
It was only a form of you.
My poems were seeking
neither of us knew.
We hated each other
as the soul hates the stomach
for needing food,
as one lover hates the other.
I kicked
in the pouch of your theories
like a baby kangaroo.
I would have said nonsense
to please you,
and frequently did.
This took the form
of course,
of fighting you.

00000000

Hawaiian Town

In another place, another land
trees of palm leaf crown
I was mesmerized, hypnotized
by dancers golden brown

I walked upon the beach so clean
and watched the sun go down
I fell in love with this other place
your beautiful Hawaiian town

01151979

Replenishing

The sea was merciful
as calm as could be
the warm sand restful
replenishing the soul of me

12560913

Windows

My mind has windows
that I look through
not distorted optical images
in this thought filled view
the texture of life
is so beautiful from here
not contracted with the heart's pain
or the body's unsolicited fear
It's a lurid spectacle of life
an introduction to a different insight
here in my minds window
shines only love's soft light...

09201977

Breadcrumbs

This special spirit
rare and gifted
Don't let her blow
too far away

You were too slow
in realizing
she took your breadcrumbs
but didn't stay

09051977

Cleaning

I was cleaning out
my glove compartment
today... and I found your book
on bacteriology.... the one
you wouldn't let me return
funny... I was never the one
who had borrowed it...
Guess you were trying to
clean things out of your life too
you taught me a lot about
the anatomy of my life...
but never anything about bacteriology
I kept the book... as a memento
of leftover lives
that two people once shared

07171977

Visitor of love's demise

You appear within my dreams
to haunt me
come to visit in the night
mock my love
which I offered openly
spat upon
and shoved out of sight

Visitor of love's demise
breathe no words
of your mockery
touch not
my outstretched hands
they are not
reaching for you, they but are
pleading for me

There was time time
I offered you
of these hours now mine alone
unwanted... rejected
I keep it hidden behind the door
bolted against you
not to be opened anymore

Your words if asked now
would fall on
ears deafened to your call
eyes of mine
would never see you
sightless they
are blind to you now
remembering...
not at all

08081977

This my legacy

My heart no movement
does it make
silent in its vacant state
once I loved you
but grief you left here
void of all
feelings I used to have
unable to care
this my legacy... this my fate

08081977

In my darkness

Visitor of another time
leave my dreams alone
you are not welcome
in my darkness
or in my heart now made
of stone...

08081977

What could be

Lonesome I am
for you
your love filled
so much of me
molding what I was
into what I am now
you created what is
I lingered for...
that unknown
until you taught me
what could be
love needs...

08031977

Barren Soil

Confronted against truth
I but hid my eyes
telling myself
it's lies.. it's lies
but faced with the facts
one must agree
sooner or later
our blind eyes must see
Open up to the smallest misgivings
a moment in time... perhaps
to see the lie you're living
and laugh at this ludicrous
way of non-realization
Love makes us blind
to the whole situation
we cannot separate ourselves
forever... let the truth me known
it was on barren soil
my love was sown

09051977

Birds

Soaring
singing
in flight
birds
such
a delight

12440913

Touch

My fingers are sensitive
they're the nerve endings
of my eyes
feeling their sightless way
across the planes of you
crawling each crevice
of your face
wandering through your
curly black hair... lingering
trailing down your neck
feeling the softness
of your chest... hairless
The lover in them
discovers your course
wiry pubic hair
raising you to hardness
by climbing you
step by step
your sac drawing up
tighter and still tighter
you, engorged and so sensitive
to my touch...
I feel your heart pounding
doing double time
you sound breathless
panting in my ear
your lips are soft and warm
when they reach mine
and your tongue searches
my depths...

03301977

Caught in the act

You smiled at me eye-deep
I should have gone no further
intolerant are you of slips
and female individualists
who cry out in growth-pains
you made me feel shame
where none had existed before
caught in the act
of falling in love with you
I shivered in despair
you smiled at me eye-deep

10071977

Oh muse

Oh muse
come visit me
fill my dreams
with your fantasies
give me warmth of desire
fill my heart
with love's sweet fire
my life filled
but so alone
come build within my soul
your home
return to fill my life with thought
so I can show
the joy you've brought
to one who lived
in loveless misery
until the muse came to visit me

08031977

Angry Play

The wave's great shocking rumbles
hitting harder than one can stand up in
today the ocean shows its anger
against the disparities of the world
Standing on its sandy ground
on the edge of its penetration
the whitecaps dissolve under my feet
the shifting winds blow vindictively
and the surge resounds again
The ocean's anger strong in my ears
depthless, blue water world
I came here to seek peace...
Its rage is vented, tempered with time
I can but endure the onslaught
weaponless... or leave
I choose to stay
and watch the water's angry play

09221977

The Cripple

It's me the cripple
the one love left broken
left mangled forever
by a few words spoken

09051977

Failed the test

I have no words
to give to you
they were crushed
as is the leaf
my voice
an emptiness of sound
no longer
can it speak

I have no heart
to offer you
it's buried deep
within the snow
like the flower
your foot
crushed it deep below
ground it into
the dirt
it was a deathly blow

Your love
a stone
you hung heavy
a yoke upon my neck
in silent pain
it bruises upon my breast
my body bears its weight
unable to be free
unable now to rest
caught up in the pain of love
I failed somehow
to pass the test...

08081977

Too Beautiful

We cannot cross
this chasm deep
cannot climb
this mountain steep
separating our souls
apart we sleep

Prisoners of the wall
we built up stone by stone
between us it stands high
leaving us... each one alone
no wonder here to see
standing fast where we belong

Our lives are now closed
we two are worlds away
who used to once embrace
left apart... we couldn't stay
the blinds are drawn now
we're in the dark... done is the day

The time to love
somehow is past
the endless road
dividing us is vast
it was too beautiful
I know it would not last

08071977

Broken Bits

My soul aches
for all the parts
lost over the years
The things that made
me complete have fallen
away... leaving
broken bits
unable to mend
or allow me
to be whole again

12090913

White Flag Waving

The fact
that I love you
is singularly irrelevant
I find
buried deep within
its stony depths
the fighting surrendered
white flag waving
truce called
and in surrendering
am I not fighting
for my own peace
living after a death
love quenched

10061977

I still dream

I still dream
even at my age
there's still lots of
"one day"
a horizon
of faith
in impossibility
even if
my "one day"
will never
be...

18440913

My yesterdays to ponder

Age brings death to wait upon my doorstep,
fading memories of dreams unmet...
time a villain pushing me into a vortex,
my yesterdays to ponder so perplexed...

18350913

Until age robs me blind

The times we shared together
are remembered now only in my mind.
A small but important part,
shaping today's world
with yesterday's memories.
Another chapter in the
unwritten biography of my life
never to be experienced again,
remembered only in my mind...
until age robs me blind...

00000000

No want in freedom

There's no time
nor season
in eternity....
The soul
has no want
in freedom...

17560913

Hidden Treasure

These depths she does explore
a lost and a lonely sea nymph
slowly swims along the sea floor
sunken vessels by the umpteenth
the ocean with time does transform
into a hidden treasure's labyrinth

09480913

The water's jamboree

Come quick and see
the green flash
above the darkening sea
the setting sun does splash
the rising moon set free
the twinkling stars so brash
above the water's jamboree

09350913

The water's mystique

I wrapped myself in kelp
and plunged into the deep
and let all my troubles melt
just listening to the sea speak
my soul stirs, freedom felt
the world no longer bleak
the sea nymph thus beheld
awakened by the water's mystique

09260913

Lifted by the waters

Another dawn alone at the beach
a renewing of the soul's needs
forgetting that which is out of reach
my spirits lifted by the waters of the sea

08580913

Only Pictures

Two lovers by the sea were we
we walked upon the rocks and pier
a hand to hold as we walked along
and a breeze to touch our hair

We watched the ocean's swell so deep
rolling up, then downward plumb
we smiled into each others eyes
loves recollection left us numb

That moment is now past
one more daydream gone
only memories now present
to greet me at the dawn

That sudden look of years
your mesmerizing grin
are only pictures in my mind
that come unwelcomed in

03181979

Alone and Broken

Under what sky
am I?
My human mind
cannot comprehend this all time
this infinite space
without you here in this place
you who nurtured
this love... no word
necessary to be spoken
has left me now, alone and broken

09181977

My soul a refugee

Each grain of sand

A fallen star

A moment of eternity

Here we stand

Come from afar

To sail the sea

To foreign lands

Free from kings and czars

My soul a refugee 

Fleeing a baren wasteland

19560913

One Fate

My heart knows one fate
and that's love not hate
all else is a sad mistake...

19090913

Deep waters

My dreams fill the sea
with the very essence
of my soul, that's me
salty sweet my fragrance
tiny droplets of eternity
each star filled by memory
deep waters set me free

19050913

Where we belong

A world transformed
is eternal, blessed
by angels and song
this heaven
where we belong

18570913

Washed upon the shore

I washed upon the shore
one day...
spewed up by the sea
in the moonlight
bile tossed out unused
upon the landscape
darkness closing in
blown in the wind
to become part of life...

03181977

Poetry of death

When I am aged
full of lines
poetry of the soul
showing upon my face
will they look to me
to say the unspeakable
poetry of death?

03181977

Rebirth of the sea nymph

I am the daughter of the sea
fed on seaweed and sand
entering the ocean waters
is like walking into myself
It is movement and life
and change
but it never ages
is always fresh and new
The dampness breathes
life into me... the blood
washes into me, pounding
against the shores
the rain fills me... swelling
the fullness already there
I wash upon myself
to kiss upon the shore
the mouth of my lover
I savor all of it...
the sound, the feeling
the aliveness
Rebirth of the sea nymph

03181977

An inevitable visitor

The little maybe
the world gives out
a meager offering
we deceive ourselves with
an impotent relief
to fight off doom
an inevitable visitor

09221977