Tuesday, May 13, 2014

This gift I gave to you

It is wrong in hanging
on to anything just for
the security if affords us
when we have outgrown
the need we once felt

You thought I had hurt you
in letting go... not true
the hurt had been in my
hanging on for so long

In releasing you from the ties
I was giving up the security
I had clung to... not the man
for the feelings of joy,
love... and discovery
had long ago left us

We were there simply
because it was a safe way
to live... like routine

The gift I gave you
was freedom... to find
yourself again as an
individual... not one of
partnership... pulling
against one another

I should have let go so
much sooner... before
the resentments, anger
dislike of small traits
we looked for in each other
were so painfully obvious
in our day to day life
this is how I hurt you

I know it was late
in coming to be.... for this
I am sorry... but not
for letting go of you...
smothering... clinging
running away from ourselves

I gave you this gift to
save what was left of... what
we are... so I could
look back and see all the
good we had had...

Up close all I envisioned
were the resentments... at
you for not understanding
who I was evolving into
and at me because I
could not stand still
into the being you wanted

It would have been safer
to stay... less scary
then facing the world
alone... but not kinder

I did part from you with
what love I had left...
not in anger... like you thought
to save... not destroy
because that is what we were
doing to each other...

Accept it as a gift... giving
to... not taking away from
believe me... it wasn't easy.