For years I was seeking love from outside sources as so many of us do. From my parents, friends, marriage, children, and whomever and wherever I thought I recognized it. But never having felt truly loved I wouldn't have recognized it if in came knocking at my door.
Because I didn't know how to love myself I felt unlovable. I felt defective. I was bringing to my experiences what I subconsciously felt I deserved. They were reflections of interior pain, fear, betrayal, rejection, feelings of unworthiness and a lot of other self negativity.
I didn't even believe that God loved me, but I did believe that He was judging me, keeping track of every mistake in life I made. Including every thought I had.
I never thought of Him as noticing the good things I did because I only concentrated on my mistakes, always trying to please and never feeling as if I succeeded.
Until one day, through a misfortune, God opened my eyes. I realized in that moment He loved me unconditionally. That He loves all his children.
Through that experience and time, I have learned to love myself. I have learned to release the fear, to release the anger and pain I was clinging to and to forgive. Especially to forgive myself for not feeling worthy of that love.
God led me step by step through spiritual growth. To a state of awareness and greater consciousness. That we create the experiences we need to learn from and through them we have the choice of continued growth.
When we replace fear with faith and make God a priority in our life we know nothing but love and joy. It's like removing blinders and letting in the light.
It bathes us in its warmth and He gives us the beauty of sharing that love and the abundance He blesses us with. There is so much love in my life now. It's overflowing.