Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I don't

I realize now
that I didn't talk enough
I didn't contribute myself in total
to what we were
so leaving our love to die
of starvation...

Instead I overpowered you
with my presence
overcaring... smothering
avoiding personal questions
that would leave me vulnerable
not asking of you
truths I know would hurt
that is only half giving...
shutting our eyes to what we don't know
if we don't ask
but if we didn't know
why was the question there?

I wanted to say
"stop the world for me"
there are no others
let it be me instead

So afraid of being demanding
in this one area
I let everything die instead
not even able to walk away in dignity
I struck back...
using pity as a weapon
and untruths
leaving not love thoughts
but guilt
shaming myself in the process

I always said
"you don't really know me"
and you didn't
for without communication,
guts, and personal truths
can there ever be knowledge
of who someone really is?

The telephone rings... you are there
I want to say "I love you"
but I don't...